Doctor Who - Gridlock

So the worst didn't happen and the football match was not a draw and didn't go to extra time, meaning that Doctor Who was transmitted as scheduled. And everyone breathes a huge sigh of relief.

But what of the episode? A bit of a mish mash really. It's another which seems to be dividing opinion as to whether it is the best yet or whether it is somewhat on the disappointing side. I have to say that for me, it's the disappointing side of the fence that I fall. That's the thing about New Who, it is well made, beautifully shot and directed, with some superb CGI effects and performances, and yet the plots ... oh the plots. But we shall come back to that point later on.

We open with a couple, Ma and Pa as they are identified in the credits, in a car, calling for help as they are attacked. This is a great opening, nicked from too many past Doctor Who adventures to be original (The Sea Devils? Terror of the Zygons?) but it still serves. But why is that couple from the opening credits of Desperate Housewives in a car anyway?

Post credits, and the Doctor decides to take Martha to the far future, to the year 5 Billion and 53, to New Earth, where they arrive in the city of New New York, but in the lower levels which seem to be some sort of deserted slum with drug pushers freely hawking their wares from permanent cabins. However the whole grim scene is given an upbeat and lighthearted feel by the music and is basically the same as in The Long Game where the Cronk burger vendors sell their wares. Not a good message to give to kids I'd have thought. The Doctor and Martha meet a girl who wants to forget her parents. Seems they have gone to the motorway and she's lost them. She gets her 'forget' drug and seems happy with this. However next thing we know, Martha is kidnapped by a man and a woman who want her to make up the numbers in their car. They head off to the motorway with the Doctor in hot pursuit.

The couple, Milo and Cheen, nicely played by Travis Oliver and Leonora Crichlow, explain to Martha that they need to get to the 'Fast Lane' which is at the bottom of the motorway which is otherwise choked with cars and pollution and fumes. They're headed for Brooklyn and it will take them 6 years to travel the 10 miles there.

Meanwhile the Doctor also gets to the motorway and is taken into a car by a cat person called Thomas Kincaid Brannigan, played in a nice cameo by Ardel O'Hanlon. Brannigan and his wife, the human Valerie, have a family of kittens and have been travelling for 12 years and have crossed just 5 miles in that time.

Hold on. Woah. All this is very nice, and the visuals are stunning, but let's just think about this for a moment. 12 years to travel 5 miles? Why not just walk? Who in their right mind would spend their life in a car on a motorway? You just wouldn't bother! Moreover this simply does not make sense with revelations later on in the plot ... And how can a union between a cat person and a human result in feline kittens? And presumably Valerie and Brannigan handled the birth all by themselves?

So Brannigan tries to help the Doctor find the car that Martha is in, and so he asks a couple of elderly lesbians called Alice and May, who also happen to be car-spotters. With their help they identify the right car. But how does Alice or May (I'm not sure which is which) know how many cars joined at which junction? She shouldn't be able to see them for the smog, and in any case presumably their car is somewhere else entirely in the melee. If the information is from the computer, then why can't Brannigan access it directly? And even if she could somehow see the cars, how does she know how many people are in each? Nice idea, but it just doesn't hold up.

The Doctor meanwhile realises that there are no police or authorities in the traffic jam, and that all the cars are basically on their own. So how does Milo get authority to go down to the Fast Lane so quickly then? Someone must be working the systems to make that happen. And if you can do that when you have three or more people in a car, then why doesn't Brannigan do the same as they have 'kittens' in the back and thus more than three people ... why would you choose to stay put if you could go to a lane where you might actually reach your destination in your lifetime? Speaking of which, presumably some of the cars have corpses in where the occupants have died ... what happens to them then?

Then we get a tedious bit of hymn-singing for no good reason. This slowed the pace right down and I was starting to drum my fingers. Too many unanswered questions and vast plot holes here. Lots of style but very little substance. Something obviously needs to happen so the Doctor decides to go down by jumping from car to car. Nice idea and effectively done, with lots of little cameos from various people from naturists to white and red people to a couple of oriental teenagers.

Meanwhile Martha, Milo and Cheem have made it to the Fast Lane, but another car, apparently driven by a woman in a badly fitting dog mask called Javil (I think), wants them to get out the way as something is down there. This is the first instance in New Who of a bad looking make-up job. I wonder what they were thinking of? It looked so fake and it's a blessing it wasn't on screen for too long.

So the Doctor arrives at the lowest level of the jam and from a car driven by a bowler-hatted man, creates a pulse which clears the smog and pollution to enable him to see what lurks at the bottom of the tunnel. It's giant crabs snapping at the air and any passing cars - Macra! According to the Doctor, the Macra were the scourge of the Galaxy, feeding on gas and using humans as slaves. However this was billions of years ago and so these Macra have somehow devolved.

But if the Macra feed off the gas, then why are they trying to catch the passing cars? And when Martha's car turns all its power off, and is left alone by the creatures, where exactly is it? Is it parked somewhere? If so, why not turn the power on every so often to replenish the air? None of this is explained.

Okay ... time for some explanation at least. The Face of Boe who is in the upper city, has sent Novice Hame to find the Doctor which she does by jumping from car to car ... now the chances of her actually finding him by this method are millions to one against, so how does she do it? And she has a teleport to bring him back but only enough power for one trip ... all sounds very convenient. The Doctor then learns that the city above is dead apart from the Face and Hame. Everyone has been killed by an airborne virus which wiped the population out in 7 minutes some 24 years before. They just had time to shut all the cars in the motorway thus saving the occupants from death...

But hang on ... what about the drug vendors, Cheem and Milo, Brannigan and Valerie? They all joined the motorway less than 24 years ago. Why weren't they all killed by the virus then? And if they can join the motorway, it can't be sealed off. So why are all the exits to it sealed? And if there's no power to open the motorway without the Doctor's intervention, then why waste power on things like Sally Calypso and pointless police 'on hold' messages? And there must be some systems operating as the access request to use the Fast Lane still works. It's all so fragile on logic.

The Face of Boe gives the last of his energy to allow the Doctor to open the hatches above the motorway and to allow all the cars to fly up and out - I assume he also disabled all the limiters on the cars which prevented them from changing lanes or flying out of formation - I have never seen such a well behaved traffic jam in my life! But why couldn't Hame do this? All the Doctor seemed to do was to connect up some wires and pull a lever ...

The Doctor tells Martha to come to the Senate building - like she would know where that was! - and she arrives in time for the Face of Boe to die, but not before telling the Doctor his great secret ... that the Doctor is not the last of the Time Lords and that he is not alone. Gosh.

And that's about it really. Way, way too many holes to hold together rationally at all. The Macra were a nice idea but very throwaway, adding nothing to the skeletal plot and being just a nice kiss to the past.

But what a crying shame when the whole thing could have been far more integrated. How about this for starters ...

The Macra, as established in The Macra Terror, have an intelligent leader which infiltrates a colony and using hypnosis and mind control, makes the humans do its bidding to generate gas so it can survive. So when Martha's car stopped at the lower level, the group leave it to try and find another way out. Cue lots of creeping through dark tunnels, chased by giant crabs and the like - resulting in tension and excitement and kids hiding behind sofas. Meanwhile the Doctor discovers that the Macra are behind Sally Calypso and the other messages, controlling the motorway and sending cars down to be snapped up by the young Macra at the base who like some meat with their gas. The whole traffic jam is being kept down there by the Macra to provide the pollution for the creatures to breed and survive. So the Doctor defeats the Macra Controller up above, and Martha and the others find a way out down below, or maybe switch on the air vents or something so that the pollution can escape - thus showing Martha's inginuity and making the Doctor realise that he may need her in the future.

This uses the same basic set-up, but is an actual story to go with the characters and the situation that is in place. It doesn't need much tweaking for this to be done and yet instead we get something which is fundamentally forgettable and which puts all the focus on the wrong things for a 45 minute story to work - namely the Doctor and Martha's relationship and the whole, ultimately dreary at this point, business with Hame and the Face of Boe (and I know this is meant to be significant for later in the season, but this could still have all been included, but better integrated into a good, solid story rather than feeling like tacked onto the end).

It's such a shame when everything else is so right, that a coherent plot could not have been developed to wrap it all up in. As it is, I wonder how this 'story' will be remembered in years to come - certainly my brother could not remember what it was all about a few days later, and his 6 year old son was fidgety and bored for most of it ...

Next week: 'They always survive while I lose everything.' The Daleks are back!

Summer's Here

I was going to blog today on yesterday's episode of Doctor Who ... unfortunately I'm in a bad way today. Summer is here and so my hay fever has kicked into overdrive today and I have a muzzy head, am sneezing all over the place, eyes itching, throat irritated and generally feeling like rubbish. Add to this a nasty ulcer on the side of my tongue at the back which paralyses it and makes it sooooo painful to talk, swallow and eat and I am really not in the mood for anything much. It's also hot ... really hot for the time of year. I think the weather people said 80 degrees or something today and it's only mid-April. I really dread to think what the Summer will be like if it's this hot already. And no, I don't live in Spain or Florida or India or anywhere you might expect it to be warm at this time of year, but plain old London, England. So as my concentration span is like that of a gnat at the moment, and I'm feeling like death warmed up, I think I'll leave the blogging on Who until tomorrow when hopefully the antihistamines will take effect and I'll be feeling better. I have been taking them all week, but every year I get one day where nothing will touch the allergies and it looks like today is my day of hell for 2007. Went out this morning and got some Anabesol liquid for the ulcer - at least it deadens it and allows me to eat in a relatively pain-free manner - and I think I need to find the cheapest place for Loretadine this afternoon ... maybe a trip to the local big Tescos is in order. At least it's air conditioned in there :) David

Doctor Who - The Shakespeare Code

I can't decide whether I loved The Shakespeare Code or not ... I know that may seem strange, but like Love & Monsters I've just got a feeling that it may split the audience. I have heard people saying they were disappointed by it, and others raving ... well I wasn't disappointed, and there are certainly some things to rave about ...

We're in London in 1599 and there are witches abroad (no, not in France ... in London!). These are classic stock witches. Ugly, hook-nosed, and they cackle a lot. And one of them is just so drop dead cute and stunning ... That would be Lilith when not in witch mode, and actress Christina Cole is bloomin marvellous. She has presence and really seems to enjoy herself. The other two, imaginatively named Doomfinger and Bloodtide, are really just there as cyphers for Lilith and we never see them as anything other than hideous crones.

The Doctor and Martha arrive ... and the immediate problem is that no-one seems to notice them. Not a single person looks at them, wonders about their modern clothes, or the fact that the TARDIS has just materialised apparently in the middle of a busy street ... it all seems strange somehow. The Doctor decides to go to the Globe to watch a bit of Shakespeare and it seems that Love's Labour's Lost is playing. At the end, Martha calls for the Author, a cry which is apparently taken up by the rest of the audience, and the Doctor muses that this is where the tradition started - but why did the chap who looked a bit like Edmund Blackadder standing by Martha not even glance at her before he took up the cry? Again, seemed strange.

So conveniently Will Shakespeare was backstage and comes out to take the applause and to announce - prompted by Lilith - that his next play will be Love's Labour's Won. Another problem - the Globe is completely packed, and yet Lilith has what appears to be a royal box all to herself ... yet she works as a servant at the Inn ... so she has access to money and priviledge to get the box (via various witchy means I guess), and yet no-one spots her or questions that she is also a servant? Seemed strange.

Later, at the Elephant Inn - I would have expected this to have been the Anchor (which is closest to the Globe), or possibly The George ... never heard of The Elephant! - the Doctor and Martha meet Shakespeare and Will is quite taken with Martha's beauty. A nice touch here is when Martha starts to speak mock-Shakespeare to Will, and the Doctor tells her not to, very reminiscent of the similar scene in Tooth and Claw where Rose starts to speak mock-Scottish. Will is also not fooled by the psychic paper ...

Enter the Master of the Revels who will shut the play down as it has not gone through his office for approval. Lilith is not happy with this at all, and so snips a piece of the Master's hair and, using it with a little voodoo-type doll, causes him to drown in the street. This is a very effective sequence, and quite scary. Unfortunately the editing makes it look as though the actor just has a mouthful of water which he spits on each shot, rather, as revealed in the Confidential episode, being a complex rig of piping which means he can constantly spew water ... shame the effect wasn't better realised in the edit. But then Martha knows his name - Mr Lynley - even though he never gave it and no-one else mentions it on-screen. Historical pointer here ... according to Wikipedia, the Master of the Revels from 1579 until 1610 was a man named Edmund Tylney.

So now the witches put the next stage of their plan into action, and using a potion, control Shakespeare to write the last lines of his new play so as to perform a summoning spell. This is a nice scene, and I liked the puppet used to control Will a lot. At the end of it, Lilith kills the landlady, Dolly Bailey, and escapes on a broomstick! Talk about ostentatious. The Doctor, Martha and Will decide to visit the Globe as the Doctor is suspicious of the 14-sidedness of the building and feels there is a connection there ... all to do with the power of words. They go visit the architect, Peter Streete, who has been driven mad and is in Bedlam (which Martha, strangely, hasn't heard of). In the real world, the Globe opened in Autumn 1599, and was designed by Peter Street (without a final 'e'). However Street also designed and built the Fortune Theatre in 1600, so he was neither mad nor killed in 1599. Has history been changed? Was the Fortune Theatre therefore never constructed?

The Doctor uses a sort of Vulcan mind-meld on Peter and gets him to admit that the Globe was built to the witches' design and not his. Also that the witches were in All Hallows Street in London. But then Doomfinger appears and kills Streete. The Doctor figures out that she is a Carrionite and she vanishes in pain when named. The Doctor realises that this is all a plot to allow the Carrionites back to Earth, and that the right words spoken in the Globe will achieve this.

This does lead me to wonder why all the fuss then? As the words were given to Shakespeare by Lilith, and as the Carrionite witches can transport themselves anywhere, why don't they just go to the Globe one night and speak the words themselves?

The race is on. Shakespeare returns to the Globe and tries to stop the play, but the witches are there with their little voodoo doll of him and he is knocked unconcious. The Doctor and Martha go to All Hallows Street to try and stop the Carrionites, but Lilith is waiting for them. She takes some of the Doctor's hair and using another doll (or DNA replicator as he identifies it) stops one of his hearts. He recovers and with Martha races off back to the Globe. I loved the sequence here where Lilith mock-seduces the Doctor - I wonder how tempted the production team were to add in a snog between them - and then flies backwards out the window to hover in mid-air. Very effective indeed.

The three witches cackle as the play reaches its conclusion and the Carrionites are summoned. They appear in a spiral, floaty things which look nothing like the three witches ... strange and more like the Dementors from Harry Potter. The Doctor revives Will and tells him to reverse the spell, to improvise words to stop the summoning. Shakespeare does this (with a little help from the Doctor on some coordinates) and the creatures are returned to the crystal globe in which they were trapped, along with Lilith, Doomfinger and Bloodtide. The audience applauds, thinking that the performance was all special effects. Surely this would have been noted at the time by diarists? Another piece of historical fudging perhaps ...

Anyway, it's all over, and Will tries for a last time to seduce Martha (she rejects him as his breath smells), and the Doctor takes the witches' globe to store in an attic in the TARDIS. But then Queen Elisabeth I arrives, and, much to the Doctor's suprise, recognises him and denounces him. He and Martha race for the TARDIS and away before she can carry out her threat of beheading him. This is a lovely and unexpected cameo from Angela Pleasance, well known film actress and daughter of horror-film great Donald Pleasance.

The cast as a whole is worthy of special plaudits. Dean Lennox Kelly's Shakespeare is really rather good, if being perhaps a little too modern and with-it. I mentioned Christina Cole before, stunningly superb as Lilith as well as being totally gorgeous and watchable. The other cast members were all equally good in their own right, each giving convincing and believable performances.

I loved the music as well. For once, Murray Gold has not swamped the visuals and dialogue with way too much, and the subtle cadences and choral arrangements for the Carrionites was brilliant and complimentary to the story. The CGI was also good, except that there is one distant shot of the Globe where the river Thames is no-where in sight! The original Globe was not on the bank of the Thames as the current version is, but back a couple of streets, even so, the river should have been in shot. The Carrionites were puzzling. Were they all like the witches? Or like the floaty things? They can change their appearance from hag-like women to beautiful ladies, so maybe the floaty things are their true form? The CGI of them was okay, but I would have perhaps liked to have seen more of them.

Overall, as I said at the start, I found much to enjoy in The Shakespeare Code, and not very much to fault - and on the whole the problems are with historical fact, which can perhaps be glossed over for the sake of the production - and generally speaking it's a great little tale. Very reminiscent of Tooth and Claw I thought.

Next week seems to be back to the future and New New York for Ardel O'Hanlan as a cat-man, lots of flying cars and something nasty in the sewers ...

Doctor Who - Smith and Jones

It's a platoon of Judoon on the moon ... I wonder whether the whole episode came from that rhyming sentence. If it did, then hopefully Russell T Davies will write more like that as it certainly worked for me.

Anticipation was high waiting for the third series. With two brilliant seasons of Doctor Who behind us, weathering a change of Doctor in the middle and the reinvention of the Cybermen along the way, what would the third series of stories bring, especially as Billie Piper's Rose was no longer with the show?

I needn't have worried. Smith and Jones was a superb opener. A crowd pleaser at every level, Davies' script shone with witty one liners and action, a really cool monster, and of course the introduction of a new companion.

In some respects, I found the opening of Smith and Jones reminiscent of the start of Rose, with the new girl - here, Martha Jones, medical student - and her family/affairs being introduced in a snappy shorthand style which is very attractive. This also introduces Martha as very much a 2000's girl, reliant on her mobile phone to stay in touch, and talking with everyone simultaneously while juggling her job and family relationships effortlessly. She also quite a fox, easy on the eye and very natural on-screen.

Martha, quite literally, bumps into the Doctor, who brandishes his tie saying, 'See ...?' before he disappears off into the crowds. Strange ... but actually totally brilliant by the time the episode ends.

Martha is a student at the Royal Hope Hospital which stands on the bank of the Thames opposite the Houses of Parliament. Interesting to see that the river is back ... last we saw, it, and most of the North Sea had apparently been drained down a hole under the Thames Barrier ... Anyway, the hospital is being plagued with static electricity, or plasmacoils as the Doctor later puts it, and is also being visited by a couple of Zovirax men. I had to laugh when I first saw these chaps, and commented that it was the Zovirax lady. For those not in the UK, Zovirax is a brand of cold sore cream, and the advertising features an attractive lady who wears black leather and an all-black motorcycle helmet when riding her bike to work, but then she keeps the helmet on all day (including while swimming and doing yoga classes) because she is embarrassed by the state of her lips. Anyway, I was doubly amused when Martha later described these characters as being from 'planet Zovirax' - brilliant!

Also in the hospital is a little old lady called Miss Finnegan who seems to be salt deficient, and a cheeky patient called Doctor John Smith who is there for unspecified reasons ... Before long, it starts raining outside, and in a superb piece of scripting which picks up on the mobile phone theme from before, Martha and her sister realise something is wrong as it is just raining on the hospital ... and then the rain starts falling upwards! Next thing we know, the hospital is on the moon!

Wow! That's how to use CGI. From the hole where the hospital used to be on Earth to the building standing isolated on the moon ... an awesome set of visuals for the episode. Effective and elegant in their simplicity. There follows Martha meeting up with the Doctor properly - he knew there was something up - and an explanation about Martha's cousin working at Canary Wharf and not being seen since the business with the Cybermen. I was glad they got this out the way quickly though so we can move onto the next highlight, the arrival of the Judoon.

More mindblowing effects as the ships arrive and disgorge their troops. But aren't they noisy? I thought there was a vacuum in space and sound didn't travel. However we can perhaps forgive this and imagine that maybe the moon has a very small atmosphere (actually, it doesn't), that some sound does travel on the surface. Or maybe it's transmitted through the rock underfoot ... or something ...

As the Judoon Cyber-stomp their way to the hospital, we discover that the sweet little old lady is actually a blood-sucking plasmavore. A very creepy performance from Anne Reid who gives it her all in a part which seemed strangely curtailed. I loved the business with the straw as well ... adds a sort of macabre twist to it all. And kudos for naming the hopsital administrator Mr Stoker ... nice touch.

The Judoon are very effective. As storm troops they are reminiscent of the Sontarans, but really look quite different. I liked the idea of the rhino heads, and the voices were a brilliant vocalisation by the every-reliable Nick Briggs. They did remind me of the Mangalores from the film The Fifth Element though. I also appreciated the bit where they first speak an alien language and then have to assimilate the language of the natives. The idea of them cataloguing everyone and then marking them with a marker-pen cross was hilarious. I can't wait for kids to start doing the same to their friends.

So ... what's actually going on? Well the Judoon are trying to locate the Plasmavore who killed the child princess of Padraval Regency Nine. To do this, they have used an H2O scoop (do what?) to move the hospital from the Earth to the moon, as the Judoon have no jurisdiction on the Earth and the moon is neutral territory. So there's lots of running about and exitement as the Doctor and Martha work out who the Plasmavore is, and how to stop her. The Doctor ends up allowing her to suck and assimilate his own blood so that she doesn't register as human to the Judoon. This would seem to be a risky approach as if the Doctor loses all his blood, then doesn't he die? Or at least regenerate? And what's all the stuff about the CAT scanner being modified to fry the brains of everyone in a 250,000 mile radius, but somehow a flimsy screen can protect the Plasmavore? A bit of a mcguffin methinks and something to add a little more tension to the ending as the oxygen runs out in the hospital, the Judoon leave having killed the Plasmavore and her remaining attendant Slab (Mr Zovirax), and the Doctor seems to be dead.

Of course it all ends happily, with the hospital returned to Earth, everyone saved (except for the poor soul who hit a Judoon over the head with a vase - he was disintegrated for his trouble) and Martha able to attend her family party. Of course it's back to a random episode of EastEnders as the family has a huge row leaving Martha standing on her own. But the Doctor is there and he invites her back to his TARDIS. These scenes are lovely, and I thought that the miming of the Doctor to Martha's '... but it's bigger on the inside' was simply inspired. We also find out what the Doctor and Martha's brief meeting at the start was all about ... a cracking idea and very well executed.

Overall I can't fault Smith and Jones. Sure, there are a few inconsistencies in there (water in the Thames, sound on the moon) but the episode rocked along at a good pace, the introductions were well handled, the action superb, the effects awesome, and the monsters nice and scary. A tremendous opening episode for the series, and perhaps the best of the opening episodes to date, hitting all the right notes and setting things up well for the next twelve weeks.

We even had the first mentions of Mr Saxon for the season. First from the intern Oliver Morganstern when he mentioned that the Judoon proved Mr Saxon right: we're not alone in the universe; and then another 'Vote Saxon' poster seen in the alleyway at the end.

Next week: The Globe Theatre, witches, a somewhat hip Shakespeare ... looks good.

Primeval

I suspect that like myself, many people tuned in to watch ITV's answer to the good Doctor ... a sci-fi thriller series called Primeval. The concept is OK I suppose, there are rifts in time which open up apparently randomly and let all manner of creatures from Earth's distant past come through: like lizards, dinosaurs, giant crocodile things and Dodos. On hand to try and clear up the mess that this causes is a small group lead by a bloke called Cutter who is pining for his lost wife who vanished through one of these portals years ago.

Also in the team is a lizard expert called Abby (played by the unbearably cute Hannah Spearrit - the other blonde one from S-Club 7), a dorky bloke whose name I forget who fancies Abby, and an older cute guy that Abby fancies - is he called Stephen? Add to this some love interest for Cutter in the form of a woman who works for a time-rift-investigating government department led by a mis-cast man whose collars are too starched and too big.

Oh, and all the monsters are created by the same CGI team used on Walking with Dinosaurs and sequels.

Hmmm ... no, it's not a patch on Doctor Who. The idea is sound, but in only 6 episodes, they have already, by the end of episode four, 'rescued' Cutter's wife from prehistoric times, had her guff on about nothing and then escape again (and is it just me or is she a dead ringer for Sidney Bristow's mother in Alias?) and short circuited most of the background suspense in favour of a 'monster of the week' approach. Not that there's anything wrong with 'monster of the week'. I like monsters ... but there needs to be something of a plot to hang it all on.

At the moment, the last episode - the one with the Dodos - was by far the worst of the lot. From comedy Dodos to horrific internal parasites in two scenes. From Abby in her pants (which was the highlight - that's two weeks running now we've enjoyed Abby wandering around in her pants for no good reason) to dorky-boy's dorky pals kidnapping a Dodo and getting themselves infected into the bargain. And then a mawkish ending ... it's just not cutting the mustard.

But it's inoffensive for the most part, and watchable if you disengage your brain and skim over the inconsistencies and plot holes. The worst part though has to be the CGI. It's so obvious and unreal that it leeches all the tension from the episodes. And why do all CGI monsters, from the annoying cute lizard to the giant centipede and the comedy Dodos have to be embued with human characteristics of cocking their heads cutely, chittering at you cutely, and then attacking you and continuing to attack even when you are behind a closed door and therefore out of sight, sound, and smell range. Are there *any* animals (apart from Man) which continue to hunt and attack even when the prey is out of reach? And do this to the extent of trying to batter a door down with their head! Owch ...

Oh well ... in about4 weeks the good Doctor is back and as usual I'll try and keep up with the weekly episode reviews here once more. Until then ...

Gissa Job

As regular readers of this blog will know, end of last September I left my employers, LloydsTSB, under their voluntary redundancy scheme after 27 years of working there. Since then I've been searching and looking and applying for jobs, trying to find contract work in what I am trained and expert in - IT Change and Implementation Management. But to no avail. One of the things that is recommended for finding a new job is networking ... calling on friends to see if they have any suggestions, leads or opportunities at their own places of work ... and so, as I consider everyone here a friend :) Does anyone work in the IT sector? And if you do, might you have any need of an experienced manager of Change and Implementation activities? If so, then I'd dearly love to hear from you. Just drop me an email at david@howeswho.co.uk and we can talk. Then this somewhat stressful period of no-work can come to an end. Cheers

Doctor Who - The Runaway Bride

Another Christmas, another Doctor Who Christmas Special, and for 2006 it was The Runaway Bride by Russell T Davies. I was really in two minds about this - first of all I like the idea of a Christmas Day episode very much, it provides some much needed focus for the evening, but I really was not looking forward to Catherine Tate in it as I have always found her to be monumentally un-funny, and what little I have seen of her own show marked her for me as a one-trick pony, with her 'Am I bovvered' character being iconic and hilarious, but everything else being very mundane and pointless. But this is Doctor Who, not a so-called comedy sketch show, and so maybe everything would be OK. We kick off in the same way as Rose and The Christmas Invasion did with a pan from space down to Earth, and to a wedding. Donna (Tate) is dematerialised as she walks down the aisle and appears on board the TARDIS. Why? Well this is where the technobabble starts, and on close examination, it really doesn't stand up to much thought. Seems she is full of Huon particles and they are attracted to the TARDIS (and vice versa). The problem is that Huon particles don't exist any more, according to the Doctor, and so he decides to investigate further. There's a few quickfire elements in the TARDIS scenes worth mentioning. How can the TARDIS door open into space? The Doctor says that they are protected ... but then five minutes later the TARDIS is racing along a motorway with the door open to the elements ... so this protection can presumably be turned off then. Seems a little dangerous to me. There's a reference to the Slitheen in there, and a comment that the TARDIS is sluggish as it's digesting ... what is it digesting I wonder? The moment with Rose's shirt is also very well done, though exactly what prompted Rose to leave it casually in the console room may raise a few eyebrows ... or if it wasn't Rose who put it there, why is it there? What has the Doctor been doing with Rose's clothes! Perhaps we shouldn't go there. It's Christmas eve (why is Donna getting married on Christmas eve - no-one gets married on Christmas eve - because it's Christmas eve!) and the Doctor and Donna race around Cardiff-pretending-to-be-London trying to get a taxi to take her to St Mary's Church in Haver Road, Chiswick (there is no such place). There's a lot of running about, breaking cashpoint machines, and then the spooky Santas appear. Why? Okay, so we know they were in last year's Christmas Special, but they were ... seems they want Donna for some reason (can't think why as she's been nothing but annoying and shouty so far). Needless to say after some derring do and a magnificent set-piece chase between taxi and TARDIS, the Doctor gets Donna to the reception where they are promptly attacked by Santas again, and also by remote controlled exploding Christmas tree baubles ... this begs the questions of how the Santas knew they'd need them and how they got them onto the tree in the first place ... Meantime the Doctor discovers that the company Donna was working for - A C Clements - is wholly owned by Torchwood (yawn). The Doctor destroys the Santas and discovers that they were robots being controlled from somewhere above the Earth. Cue a massive eight-spired webstar-spaceship and an unseen Empress of Racknoss slavering over the Doctor and Donna. The Doctor, Donna, and Donna's earstwhile groom, Lance, head of HR at Clements, go to the offices to explore. They discover a hidden 'Torchwood' floor (complete with Segway scooters to get about on) which extends under London and which in part emerges on top of the Thames Flood Barriers. They find a laboratory which is making Huon particles (so why didn't the TARDIS get attracted there when they first arrived on Earth?) and it transpires that the particles need a living human to catalyse them. However Huon particles are deadly ... Are you with me so far? To be honest, by this point on first transmission I had no idea what was going on. Nor did the folks I was watching with - which included two six-year-old Doctor Who-mad boys. Suddenly vast hangar doors open revealing more robot Santas and a hole drilled down to the centre of the Earth ... why? Because a Racknoss spacecraft was buried in the centre of the Earth when it was formed 4.6 billion years ago and now the Empress wants to free her children and to do this she needs catalysed Huon particles ... Seems that Lance is in league with the Empress and had been feeding Donna Huon particles with her coffee every day for six months. The Empress teleports from her spaceship to the underground lair, and she is a maginificent creation. Sarah Parish plays her with no subtlty at all and she is a raving, snarling, vicious mother from the word go. Wonderfully over the top and a great performance. But why didn't she move!! The spider body and legs looked great, but she just stood there. To have seen her scuttling about and actually interacting would have been awesome and creepy, but it seems that the CGI budget had all been used up and there was nothing left for the Empress but to animate all her eyes flickering. A great shame. The Doctor and Donna nip back in time to check out what is at the centre of the Earth (using what looks like the Slitheen surf board thing to avoid being dragged to the Huon particles on the way back - I refer you to my earlier comment) and so the Empress turns on Lance and force-feeds him Huon so he can catalyse it and free her kids instead of Donna. At this point my brain popped. If it was that easy - all the Empress had to do was pick any human, make them drink Huon and then extract the catalysed particles from their body to free her kids, then why all the plotting and robot santas and chase and so on with Donna? Why bother? Why not just kidnap someone, tie them up, feed them Huon, job done. I dunno, these megalomaniacal crazed giant spider women just can't think straight can they? Anyway, Donna is recaptured and her catalysed Huon is used to free the kids (are you still with the plot here?) and Lance is instead thrown down the hole to feed them. The Empress makes her webstar spacecraft begin 'harvesting' humans as food - it looks like it just kills them if you ask me - and so the Doctor uses the Santas' remote control and a handful of explosive baubles to blow a hole in the wall, letting the Thames flood down the hole, neatly flushing all the spiders down the plughole (which as we know, never works anyway). The Empress transports back to her webstar, at which point the Army move in and on 'orders of Mr Saxon' fire at it and blow it to smithereens. Meanwhile the Doctor has drained the whole Thames into the Earth's core. Well that's not going to do much good is it? So there's now a concentrated geyser of super-heated steam erupting back up the hole is there? And what about the North Sea ... has that been drained as well? Not to mention previously noted Who-facts about the Earth, like the presence of Stahlmann's gas, or the magnetic core that the Daleks were trying to mine ... So the world is apparently saved (we have to assume that emptying the planet's seas into the molten core has no ill effects, and that the loss of the Thames is a temporary glitch) and the Doctor asks Donna if she wants to go with him. What!!! The man must be desperate or addled or both. She is so annoying. My fear was played out - Tate basically played Donna as a riff on her 'bovvered' character throughout, with annoying shouting included. There is no way that the Doctor would want to take her with him. Oh well. At least she declines and has the uncharacteristic perception to note that the Doctor did nothing as the Empress died (shades of Cassandra's death in The End of the World) and also that he needs someone with him to stop him ... The final shot is the TARDIS shooting off up into the sky like a firework ... nicely done :) So what to make of all that ... As a Christmas special it was great. It was fast paced and kept everyone glued to the TV (except for four slow points: on the rooftop; in the TARDIS in the distant past; at the reception; and at the very end - showing that on Christmas Day it really needs to be action all the way) but the plot was a complete mess. Very complex and hard to follow. Afterwards I asked my six-year-old nephews what it had all been about and they had no idea! Something about spiders was the best I could get. But then came the thing that electrified the room ... The trailer for 2007's forthcoming series. Wow. A flash bang collage of images and sounds, introducing Martha ... Was that Cybermen? ... Rhino people ... the Face of Boe ... Cat people (again) ... what seemed to be a Space Pig in the woods ... you could hear a pin drop as all this played out. But then. Crash to silence. And a very familiar throbbing sound starts up. Then a black Dalek is on screen for a second. "DALEKS!!!!!" Screamed two six-year-olds in unison and the room erupted into excited chattering about the Daleks coming back again. "When's it on?" was the only question they wanted answering and the anticipation was electric. So well done Russell T Davies and everyone involved for a very entertaining Christmas Day evening. Okay, so the plot needed work. A lot of work. But the action sequences were awesome, and as long as you disengaged your brain from thinking, you were fine. But it's the Daleks ... what is it about that particular creation which kids find so fascinating? An hour of fast paced, well produced telly, yet it was a one second shot of a Dalek which electrified them.

Telos wins World Fantasy Award

Excuse me a moment while I go "SQUEEEE"!!! We have just heard that at the World Fantasy Awards announced on Saturday 4th November at the World Fantasy Convention in Austin, Texas, TELOS PUBLISHING was the recipient of the Special Award: Non-Professional. The Award was collected by author Graham Joyce on behalf of David J Howe and Stephen James Walker who were unable to attend in person. Graham was able to read out a note from the publishers: "We're sorry we can't be here in person to collect this Award. To be recognised by a World Fantasy Award is an incredible accolade for us, and as Telos Publishing is a small press and we do what we do for love, this means so much to us. We (that is David Howe and Stephen James Walker) would like to thank everyone who has helped Telos to produce some great genre titles, and who keep the wheels moving behind the scenes. To Roger Anderson our webmaster; Debbie Bennett who handles the online orders; and Rosemary Howe who deals with all the trade orders and paperwork. Also mention must go to Arnold Blumberg, Marie O'Regan and David Brunt who have been handing the typesetting and design, and all our brilliant cover artists. It's a real team effort running a small press and we hope that people will continue to read and appreciate our books for many years to come. Thank you" For more information on the 2006 World Fantasy Award Nominees, please visit http://www.fact.org/wfc2006/awards/index.htm. Judges for the 2006 Awards were: Steve Lockley, Barbara Roden, Victoria Strauss, Jeff VanderMeer, and Andrew Wheeler. The full list of winners of this year's Awards is as follows: Best Novel: KAFKA ON THE SHORE by Haruki Murakami Best Collection: THE KEYHOLE OPERA by Bruce Holland Rogers Best Anthology: THE FAIR FOLK edited by Marvin Kaye Best Novella: 'Voluntary Committal' by Joe Hill Best Short Story: 'CommComm' by George Saunders Best Artist: James Jean Special Award - Professional: Sean Wallace for Prime Books Special Award - Non-Professional: Telos Books Lifetime Achievement Awards: John Crowley; Stephen Fabian For more information on Telos Publishing and our acclaimed ranges of dark fantasy/horror, crime and film and television titles, please visit us online at www.telos.co.uk. As soon as we have the actual award I'll post a pic here so everyone can see it. This is *so* exciting :) David

Pet

This is very silly ... cute but silly:

adopt your own virtual pet!

Evil of the Daleks - Live on Stage

Yesterday I had the greatest pleasure in seeing the latest production from Rob Thrush and Nick Scovell live on stage in Portsmouth. Earlier productions were the Doctor Who stories The Web of Fear and Fury from the Deep, but this year they had turned their attention to Evil of the Daleks. If you missed it, then you missed a real treat. The script by Nick Scovell took the basics of the television story and distilled it down into two 45 minute parts which never dragged and never got boring. We're straight into the action as the Doctor (played admirably by Nick Scovell) and Jamie (a brilliant portrayal by John Paul McCrohon) find the TARDIS drawn to an old manor house in 1866 wherein something strange is afoot. They meet the Reverend Edward Waterfield (Lewis Bailey) whose daughter, Victoria (Rosie Grant) has been captured by aliens, and the bullish Theodore Maxtible (superbly played by James George) who invited the aliens in. Of course the aliens are the Daleks, and their first appearance, streaming out of a smoke filled 'cabinet' onto the stage is chilling and effective. Their voices are superb and threatening, and their movement smooth and chilling. Altogether the best use of the Daleks on stage that I can remember and totally putting those of The Ultimate Adventure to shame. The action remains in the house as people are hypnotised and controlled by the Daleks (Phil Cottril's Arthur Terral deserves a mention for his tremendous performance as the schizophrenic Dalek puppet) and Jamie is put to the test to try and rescue Victoria, leading to a first-part cliff hanger as the Daleks sweep in screeching that he will be exterminated. The second half opens with a reprise of the cliff-hanger, but surprise surprise, it's not Jamie who recieves the extermination but Mr Kennedy (Tim Skedge) who had been helping Maxible carry out his plans. With the Human Factor identifed, the Doctor realises that the Daleks were after the Dalek Factor all along ... and we head to a showdown with the massive Dalek Emperor. There was applause as the set opens to reveal this monstrosity swathed in smoke and light and the Emperor proceeds to convert Maxtible into a Dalek. The Doctor is next, but while wracked with pain, the two 'humanised' Daleks come to the rescue and soon the stage is full of pyrotechnics as the Emperor explodes, the Dalek menace is thwarted and the Doctor mutters the line 'the final end' as the production comes to a close. The audience was full of kids who all seemed to love seeing the Daleks gliding about on stage, and the adults appreciated the intelligent script and superb performances from all involved. For a low budget production, it really didn't show, and I give all cudos to Nick and Rob and everyone involved for a superb reinterpretation of one of Doctor Who's most fondly remembered classic adventures. I really hope the team put on something else soon as they are getting better and better and live on stage adds a whole new dimension to the enjoyment of Who. For more information, visit the production website at http://www.evilofthedaleks.co.uk/index.htm Cast pics by David C Tozer.

Indian Adventure

Having left work, my first thought was that I needed a proper holiday for a change and so we decided to go to India for about 15 days. This was prompted by a couple of things, first that it's somewhere we've never been and we felt like exploring it a little, and second that it's where Telos' printers are based, and our friends there had been encouraging us to visit them for some time. So we booked it all up and headed off. First port of call was Bangalore, which is where the printers are based. We were met by Anil (our friend who runs the printing works there) and he and his brother Manil looked after us superbly while we were in Bangalore. We did some shopping, saw some sights - visited an art gallery, shopping malls, indoor markets, and had some wonderful meals - and visited the printing factory and saw exactly how Telos' titles are looked after and handled by their 200 or so dedicated and happy workers. Everyone there was so friendly and pleased to see us that we felt really welcome. It was great to see how the books are progressed through the various stages to completion as well. What hit us of course on arrival was the culture shock of India as a place. It's busy ... boy is it busy ... with many, many people living in the cities and on the streets. The traffic was insane everywhere we went. People there seem to drive on the basis of never giving way to anyone, and ignoring any road etiquette whatsoever. This leads to some chaos and traffic jams like you would not believe! Vehicles on the road range from men with handcarts to articulated lorries and everything in between from scooters (often with 3 or 4 people on a single scooter), three wheeled taxis, camels, cows, cars, vans, coaches and lorries. From Bangalore we flew up to Delhi and off the plane were met by our driver for this part of the trip (Mukesh) who drove us on to Jaipur - about 4-5 hours away. Along the way we saw the country, incredible poverty and wealth sitting side by side, and again insane traffic - cows standing in the middle of dual carriageways; cars coming *towards* you the wrong way on a dual carriageway; and as we approached Jaipur, camels and elephants pulling carts of goods and building supplies. Building work seemed to be going on everywhere you looked. If they weren't putting something up, they were pulling it down. And of course the rubble covered the pavements and even the lanes of the roads (cars just swerved around it all). We enjoyed an Indian MacDonalds on the way - something called a McChicken Grill I think - which turned out to be a sort of spiced Korma chicken patty with mint raita and lettuce. Very nice too, if a little unexpected - I was expecting more of a standard chicken burger type thing. In Jaipur we saw the Amber fort - an incredible structure built by the Maharajas of old and decorated in Indian white and black inlaid marble. Very impressive indeed. We spent two nights here in a gorgeous hotel. Jaipur seemed to be a little less frantic than Delhi but nevertheless it was still a busy place. We also visited City Palace which is the present residence of the Jaipur Royal Family. Another place we saw here was an astonomical site developed to tell horoscopes and the time and so on - but all on a massive scale. This is where the world's largest sundial is located, accurate to 2 seconds and you really can see the shadow moving as you watch! From Jaipur we drove to Agra, and of course visited the Taj Mahal. This was an experience in itself, it's a beautiful building - a tomb - and very serene despite the millions of people thronging through it all the time. We also visited Agra Fort here. From Agra we drove back to Delhi and did a quick city tour of some sights there. We visited one of the big Mosques, and saw all the Diwali decorations and fireworks on sale in the many markets. One impressive place here is called Qutb Minar - another ruined site, but with a vast 72.5 metre high tower of stone in the middle. Then it was down to Goa for the second half of the holiday - 7 days relaxing in the sun. By this time we were totally ready for it as the travelling really takes it out of you. As did the hawkers. You cannot go anywhere without having person after person approach you wanting to sell you something or with some scam to get money going on. We were offered beads and chess sets incessantly, and saw women with babies and ragged children at every set of traffic lights begging with hand out and pathetic expressions on their face. It all gets a little too much as none of these people know what 'no' means and you can say it 20 times and they're still tagging along behind you trying to sell you something. One kid even tried to get me to change a pound coin into Rupees on the basis that the coin was no good to him - at least I assume it was a pound coin, they could be making them out the back for all I know. So we got to Goa which is a very different part of India. Wheras in all the other places (Bangalore, Delhi, Jaipur and Agra) the heat was hot and dry, in Goa it's hot and humid. And very, very green. Goa is on the West coast and is beautiful. Lots of palm trees and beaches. We were booked into a holiday village sort of place (Sun Village) which was all inclusive with all meals and drinks in with the price. The place had a nice pool and was about 20 minutes walk from Baga Beach (one of the nice beaches there, sitting on the end of Calengute Bay which as a whole had to be 2 miles long). Up to this point, we'd managed to avoid any health problems, I had even only been bitten by mosquitos twice, however on the first night in Goa my stomach erupted ... thus the second day there I had to spend in bed in our room being very sick and ill and not wanting to do anything. The third day I felt a little better though my 'Delhi belly' persisted until the end of the holiday so despite the fact that all the food and drink (and alcohol) was free at the resort, I couldn't actually eat or drink any of it for fear of aggravating the problem. So I existed on clear vegetable soup, toast and bananas for the whole week. We didn't do much this week. Just sat/lay in the shade by the pool a lot (it was too hot to lie in the sun) and chilled. We did head down to Baga beach one day to see what it was like, and enjoyed a chilled coke in one of the restaurants there as the sun went down. The Indian ocean was so warm as well - warmer than the hotel swimming pool - and full of tiny crabs and things scuttling about all over the place. After the break in Goa, it was back to Bangalore to meet up again with our friends there, and to do some final shopping before the 10 hour flight back to England. It was an incredible experience visiting the country and seeing all the sights and the people. There does seem to be a gulf between the poverty there and the rich, however we heard (and read in the papers) many stories about how the government is trying to tackle the problems, however many of the people on the streets *want* to live on the streets, and when they are given apartments to live in by the government, they just rent them out, pocket the money and continue to live on the streets! There was even a feeling that some of these apparently 'poor' street people earn more money than those in regular employment ... hard to tell really, but a totally different way of life and culture than we are used to in the UK. And I will never complain about UK traffic again - it's calm and sedate and controlled in comparison with Indian traffic. Even trying to get around Hyde Park Corner at rush hour is a breeze compared with trying to navigate a car through a market area in Agra ...

Unemployed!

I'm feeling well wierd today as I left my job. I started with LloydsTSB when it was just Lloyds Bank back in September 1979 - in IT as a programmer. I've been there ever since, progressing from programming to design, system test, team leading, project managing, business analysis and most other jobs in between. Ended up being an IT Implementation Management specialist working on many of the Bank's major implementations over the last 10 years or so. But earlier this year they offered VR and I applied and they accepted and so as of today I left! It's hard to describe what it's like clearing your desk, deleting old emails and files, packing stuff into a bag to take home, recording the final Out of Office message for the answerphone and emails ... after 27 years of it being my home ... I had a great send off party last night, and a lovely lunch with the people I work with currently. Left the office about 2pm today ... and sort of wandered London. ... I'm glad to have made the decision to leave. It was the right decision at the right time, and I have some great opportunities opening up for me. But I'm going to miss all my friends terribly - even though I'm determined to stay in touch with many of them - as it's the people who make work fun even when it's hard going and stressful. So I'm in a funny tired and drained mood, happy and yet incredibly sad.

FantasyCon 2006

Just got back from FantasyCon ... pretty awesome this year, with guests Clive Barker, Neil Gaiman, Ramsey Campbell, Juliet E McKenna and Raymond E Feist. But there were also LOADS of other creative folk there: Steve Gallagher, Paul Cornell, Simon Clark, Joe Hill, Pete Crowther, Storm Constantine, Anne Sudworth, Mark Morris, Susanna Clarke, Colin Greenland, Steve Lockley, Paul Lewis, Paul Finch, Simon Morden, Dave Sutton, Sarah Ash, James Barclay, Mark Chadbourn, Chaz Brenchley, John Connelly, Gary Greenwood, Dominic Harman, Graham Joyce, Amanda Hemingway, Matthew Holness, Paul Magrs, Adam Nevill, Steve Savile, Tim Lebbon, Les Edwards, Stephen Jones ... and many, many more I can't recall (sorry guys and girls). I was Master of Ceremonies for the event which basically meant doing all the announcements and stuff, hosting a quiz on Friday night, the Raffle on Saturday night and the Banquet/Awards on Sunday afternoon. Exausting a little, but great fun - especially when things didn't go quite to plan calling for ad libs and hasty covering ups. There were *loads* of people there this year - due to the combined effect of the guests and that FantasyCon is just the best literary conference going - and everyone seemed to have a great time, with lots of favourable comments and mutterings being heard. But it was great to catch up with Neil Gaiman - we had many conversations about new Who and books and stuff which was cool - and also caught up on news of projects - like the film of Neil's STARDUST which sounds simply awesome. And Clive ... I'd last seen Clive some 10 years ago, and when I finally got to see him after one of his panels, he looked at me, and then exclaimed 'Dave!' and stood and gave me a massive hug. I have no idea what the others around thought! Here's a pic of me and Clive at the end, after the Banquet and the presentation of the Awards. We had a launch for the book SHROUDED BY DARKNESS which went really well - the pic is of a group of the contributors: L to R clockwise: Paul Finch, Simon Clark, Dawn Knox, Steve Lockley, Paul Lewis (with book). The book went really well which was pleasing. So, a great weekend overall. Lots of interest in Telos' books, and a great many of the new horror anthology, SHROUDED BY DARKNESS, which is raising money for the DebRA charity, were sold - so go and order one from Telos this instant (www.telos.co.uk) David

TARDIS Playset and Figures

I promised myself ages ago that I would try and post some reviews and comments about some of the new merchandise that's been coming out. You can see my comments on the Voice Changer Helmet below, but here's something on another of the best toys ever to be produced for Doctor Who, the TARDIS Playset and associated figures. When I was a kid, I would have died and gone to heaven if there had been a TARDIS playset of the quality and complexity of the new toy from Character Options. When the Dapol one came out, it was so cheap and plastiky, and of course the TARDIS console only had five sides ... but at least it was a TARDIS console. Now, with the new series, we have the large and organic looking affair, with the console resting in the middle. On the TV it's a work of art, and the toy manages to capture much of the same feeling. The box it comes in is large and heavy, and immediately you start to wonder at the engineers who work out how to pack everything. This toy is an incredible array of pieces, all held in the box with sticky tape and little twisted wires. It took me at least half an hour just to unpack all the pieces, and then another half hour to assemble it. But it's worth every minute. The attention to detail is spectacular, from the console itself to the struts, the removable floor panels, the entranceway - there's even a hat stand and a little set of hammers! When the console is switched on, you get all the TARDIS sounds, from take off to in flight to various bleeps and whooshes as the different and well disguised buttons on the console are pressed. There's a hatch on the console which opens for repairs to be carried out (or for Rose to get another dose of Vortex Power). The column also glows a superb green, and when the clear perspex tubes start moving and meshing together as the ship takes off, it truly is a thing of great beauty. But what use is a Playset without some players, and Character Options have a great, if a little limited so far, range of characters to journey in the TARDIS. Of course there is the Doctor, and there's a few to choose from: you can have the original Eccleston model or the Tennant version in Eccleston's outfit (these are both in a 'Regeneration' pack which was exclusive to Argos but which can now be found in some specialist shops), or there's a Tennant in his long brown coat, or Tennant in his Austin Powers-esque suit. Some of these come with a mini-sonic screwdriver as well, so the Doctor can be armed against the forces of evil. By his side there is Rose Tyler. Unfortunately, at the moment there's only one version of Rose available, and she doesn't have full articulation and so looks like she's spoiling for a fight all the time. Later in the year, there's another Rose figure coming in a different outfit and which does have full articulation. Along with the Rose figure currently available, you get a K9 as well. This is a lovely little toy, well made and beautiful. If you'd prefer a small radio control version to zip about the TARDIS with, then that's available as well along with a Doctor figure (the same suited version as is available separately). On the baddies front, there's the masked Sycorax Leader, complete with staff and whip, and also Lady Cassandra (the flat skin woman) who comes on her own or with Chip her servant (who is lacking articulation in his elbows making him seem a little like a zombie some of the time). There's also a little blue fellah on a travel disk thing. He's the Moxx of Balhoon and only appeared briefly in the series. There's also a Slitheen figure with a lovely snarling mouth and big arms and claws. But by far the best of the figures is the Cyberman. This is a total work of art. The figure is articulated in all the right places, can be posed in many ways (though he can't sit down) and you just want to get loads of them to create your very own Cyber-Army. Every army needs commanders, and from Toys R Us, you can get a brilliant Cyber-Controller (with brain revealed) in the same scale. Also, coming soon from Argos, is a Cyber-Playset in which you'll find a Cyber-Leader (same as a Cyberman but with black 'ear' handles). So we can start to form whole batallions of Cybermen :) Of course there's the Daleks as well, and these are only available as the remote control variety in black and gold - even so, having a Dalek vs K9 remote control battle on the kitchen floor is enormous fun. There is a non-remote controlled black Dalek available in a £30 gift set from Woolworths, along with five other figures from the range, so if you don't have them as yet, and are looking for an 'all in one go' option, then this would be ideal. The problem of course, comes when you introduce the figures to the playset ... in my case, the Doctor immediately started trying to make repairs and take off, while the Cybermen tried to talk him out of it as they wanted to go to a club. Meanwhile Rose and another Cyberman tried to prove who was the fittest by exercising. Rose jogged on the spot while the Cyberman did push-ups. Meanwhile, the Cybermen discussed the situation with the Cyber-Controller and eventually the Doctor and Rose left them to it and went off in the TARDIS on their own. Other things I've seen happening on my front room table: Rose whipping the Cybermen into submission with the Sycorax's whip; the Doctor sitting on the back of K9 and riding around the console room; Cassandra and the Moxx deep in conversation about the relative values of saliva as a form of gift; and of course the Dalek trying to get through the TARDIS Police Box doors - for some reason the 'elevate' function is missing from the remote control. Overall, these are magnificent toys. They're well priced at £6.99 each for the standard figures, while the TARDIS Playset is £39.99 (which seems to be something of a bargain given all the work which has obviously gone into it). If you're still not convinced, then check out the television advert for the range. Here's a link so you can see for yourself.

Cyberman Voice Changer Helmet

Among the many toys and games appearing as a result of the popularity of the new series of Doctor Who is something called a Cyberman Voice Changer Helmet from Character Options. Now, as I have long been a massive fan of the silver giants from Mondas, I was looking forward immensely to getting this item. The cybermen were immensely popular in the second season, appearing in both the mid-season two-parter Age of Steel/Rise of the Cybermen, and the season end two-parter Army of Ghosts/Doomsday. No surprise then that they have their own range of merchandise now. I finally found out the codes for Argos a week or so before it was officially released ... but they didn't work. And even though the assistant in Argos was helpful and actually went to scour the shelves, none could be found. So it wasn't until the new Argos catalogue came out that I was finally able to get my mitts on the item. It is a work of art. Some toys are not meant to be played with. Some cry out for it. This item actually has both effects on me. I don't want to touch it as it is such a beautifully designed and made item, but you also cannot help but want to put it on and be a Cyberman. The helmet is packaged in a large box, leaving the face free. Be careful when selecting one though as the face is unprotected and so could get scratched or marked in the shop. However on this toy, the packaging is simple to remove to get at the helmet. The band of cardboard across the top (which has the Doctor Who logo on) can have it's four retaining strips of cellotape sliced, then that comes off, and the helmet can simply be slid out of the box - no retaining metal ties here. The finish on the helmet is beautiful. It is smooth and sleek and really looks like metal. There is nothing about this that looks cheap. It is a superb replica of the helmet from the actual prop and is roughly the same size as well, making it an excellent display item as well as a great toy. There are three buttons on the side, and a sliding button hidden inside. The slider can switch from 'try me' mode to the voice changing mode, and there are three settings of voice changing. I'm not totally sure what the difference is between them to be honest. I think it's the pitch of the modulation or something. One of the buttons on the outside makes the helmet emit the electro Cyber-death grip crackle, so you can attack your enemies. Another makes the helmet speak one of loads of pre-set phrases. And the middle button activates the voice change function, so that as you speak, so the mouth flashes blue and your voice is Cybernised. Brilliant stuff. If there is a downside, it's that the voice of the wearer can be heard as well as the converted voice, but that's a minor gripe for what is one of the most beautiful objects yet released under the Doctor Who banner. As if this wasn't superb enough, there is a CyberController variant of the helmet coming soon from Toys R Us. This has the same voice chip, but different packaging, and of course has the exposed brain of the CyberController too. Like the standard one, this is beautifully made and presented and really demands to be displayed so that everyone can appreciate it. The Helmet costs £30 rrp, and for what you get this is an amzing price. Not only does it look so good, but it makes you sound like a Cyberman ... and the blue flashing mouth is the bees knees. I had a quick look online and the only other voice changer helmet around seems to be the Darth Vader one which ranges from about £30 to £45 depending on where you look. But Star Wars ... pfthh ... Cybermen is where it's at and this toy deserves to be up there with the greats.

Doctor Who - Final Thoughts

Several people asked if I was going to attempt some sort of summation at the end of the season of Who and this was always my intention ... however looking back over the episodes, it's hard to really put my finger on what really went right or wrong. The season as a whole was very enjoyable. Every episode had something going for it and none were as bad, or forgettable (which is an even greater sin than 'bad') as some of the ones from last year. Whenever I have to try and list the 13 episodes from 2005 I usually miss a couple - like The Long Game or Boom Town, simply because they lacked that memorable factor. And I think a similar thing happens this year. This is the problem of having such a strong arc, or story thread, running through some of the stories, that you tend to forget the individual stories and concentrate instead on the arc. As another example of this, if you ever watched Babylon 5, then it's hard to recall individual stories. Characters and themes, yes, but what were the *plots* about... and I think Who is suffering from this. Consider the two-part Cyberman story in the middle of the season (Age of Steel/Rise of the Cybermen), and the two-part conclusion (Army of Ghosts/Doomsday). There's not much to tell them apart really. Both have Cybermen in, and battles, and a group of kids fighting the monsters, and Pete and Jackie ... the overall plots merge into one. Another aspect of the new series of Who was crystallised for me while I was speaking to my good friend and fellow researcher and writer about Doctor Who, Andrew Pixley. Andrew perceptively put his finger on the difference between 'Classic' and 'New' Who. Classic Who was all about the plots. It was a narrative driven series where the plot was the point. New Who is all about the emotion. It is the emotional development of the characters which drives the show, and not what happens. Because of this, whereas in the old series it was perfectly acceptable, for example, to spend 10 minutes in the company of Tobias Vaughn and his associate Packer, and to understand them as characters and people because this was important to the plot. However as the New series is all about the Doctor and Rose and their relationship, then you cannot spend much time at all away from them. I wonder if anyone has added up how much time on screen, in each episode, does not feature either the Doctor or Rose. I suspect it would not be very much at all. This of course has the effect of making every other character just a cipher, a part of the scenery through which the Doctor and Rose moves. The death of the CyberController in The Tomb of the Cybermen was exciting and moving as we had spent some time with the creature, and it's battles for life were interesting and gave us perhaps a better insight into Cyber-culture. However Lumic's death was emotionless as we didn't really care much for Lumic or the CyberController he became. We hadn't spent enough time with him to see him as anything other than a Davros-like raving loony, but without the emotional drive which Michael Wisher invested Davros with in his debut, or the character development that he enjoyed in the scripts for Genesis of the Daleks. The other thing which changes with the shift from narrative to emotion, is that emotion can only really be done once. As soon as you know the outcome - which is for the most part, the whole raison d'etre for the episode - then it has less and less impact each time you see it. And in fact, there is little point in re-watching as you know what happens and where it ends up. Someone commented to me that with Classic Who they can watch it over and over again and love it every time. However with New Who they have no urge to watch it past about two times. I think this is part of the problem. Why do people go back and read favourite novels or stories over and over. It's because the narrative drive is there, and even if you know the plot, you can still enjoy the journey. But with an emotionally driven story ... well who wants to knowingly put themselves through an emotional wringer time and time again? Even if, as I say, the emotional impact lessens each time. Another aspect as to perhaps why the series is being mumbled about in some quarters as not being as good as last year is in the attitude of the production team. Last year they had to try really hard. Everyone did, from BBC Worldwide, to the editors, designers, writers and actors, everyone had to give their all to make the series a success. And they succeeded. So for 2006, there's a sense of not trying. The BBC didn't trail it as much. There weren't as many interviews in the lead up, the hoardings around the country weren't there, and there was a general sense of saving a bit of money. But more importantly is the overall feel of the episodes. Consider this: This is the pre-season trailer for the 2005 series of Who. It's dangerous and exciting. It's edited like nothing we've seen, and it really draws you in and makes you want to watch this series. Now think about the 2006 series. Does that 2005 trailer, the way it's presented, written, edited ... does that bear much resemblance to the episodes in 2006? I don't think it does. It's certainly closer in theme to the 2005 series - consider the episode Rose and the editing of that: fast and furious and in keeping with this 'style' of storytelling. But the 2006 episodes just seem so safe. They are bog standard television drama. Yes, there are some great effects, but nothing inspired. Nothing to make your jaw drop open and go 'Wow!' in disbelief. Here's the first public trailer for the 2006 series. For me the 2005 trailer works. The 2006 one seems very forced. Like they were trying too hard. The problem with upping your game is that you need to keep it up. Although the scripts were excellent for the 2006 series (for the most part - several could have done with a little more work to iron out logic glitches and so on) the production itself seemed to be on autopilot. With Rose now gone (although I suspect she will be back at some point) and a new companion coming on board, I really hope that Russell T Davies has got the emotional narrative out of his system now. To have the Doctor and Martha embark on a similar emotional journey would be a big mistake. So hopefully we can instead concentrate on a narrative journey, and enjoy alien planets galore, intelligent, articulate alien monsters, and races of creatures which are not wholly CGI created. RTD is a brilliant writer, great at character and dialogue. So let's see that genius mixed with some cracking plots, twists and turns, characters you can relate to, can remember, and can feel for when they die (remember poor Vince from Horror of Fang Rock, Scarman from Pyramids of Mars, Waterfield and Maxtible from The Evil of the Daleks, Noah from The Ark in Space or even minor characters like Binro the Heretic from The Ribos Operation or Sezom from The Horns of Nimon). As a bit of fun, here's my prediction for next year: Episode 1 - the Doctor meets Martha Episode 2 - a story set in the future where the Face of Boe turns up again and utters something meaningful before vanishing Episode 3 - an original historical story by Mark Gatiss Episode 4/5 - a two parter featuring an old monster Episode 6 - a story focussing on Martha Episode 7 - a story with a guest star, probably written by Stephen Moffatt. And a CGI monster. And a reference to bananas. Episode 8/9 - another two parter, probably with someone returning from earlier in the season Episode 10 - an experimental story Episode 11 - something about a small victory, nothing universe-shattering Episode 12/13 - the monster from episodes 4/5 returns, and in episode 13 another old monster re-appears, probably the Daleks or Cybermen. Martha is written out if her contract expires, or someone close to her and the Doctor suffers a shattering loss. What do you think? Maybe I have one or two of the details wrong but the overall thrust seems to be in line with what we have seen so far. Whatever, I'm looking forward to The Christmas Invasion and to next year's offering with anticipation.

Doctor Who - Doomsday

... so the Daleks emerge from the Void Ship and say they'll exterminate everyone, but then Rose talks to them and stops them by making them think that they know more than they're saying. The Daleks have a thing called a Genesis Ark with them which seems to be a big armless Dalek thing. The episode continues with constant flitting back and forth between the Doctor, Jackie and the Cybermen and Rose, Mickey and the Daleks ... all of which is nice on screen, but a total pain to try and write up, so I'm not going to try. The gist is that the Daleks want a time traveller to touch the Genesis Ark to open it. How they knew/thought there would be on Earth in this time and place is beyond me. What if the Doctor, Rose or Mickey had not been there? The Daleks' plans would have been stuffed. And the Cybermen want to convert everyone into Cybermen and somehow the CyberLeader manages to send a transmission to all televisions about this - bloomin powerful this Torchwood place to have the ability to do that. And what would the Cybermen do once everyone has been converted? Live in Cyber-happiness? Anyway, eventually a Dalek encounters two Cybermen (numbers 1065 and 1066) in a corridor. That sounds like the start of a bad joke ... they talk, they transmit pictures of each other, and then the Dalek destroys the Cybermen. I really liked the dialogue here with the cool Black Dalek referring to destroying the Cybermen as 'pest control' and claiming that the Cybermen are superior in only one way to the Daleks ... they are 'better at dying'. Nice stuff. The CyberLeader decides to convert the humans they have captured into Cybermen and so Yvonne and Jackie along with some technician types get hauled off to their doom. The Daleks spot the Doctor on the monitor screen and when Rose IDs him to them, they are scared ... however the Genesis Ark takes up their attention and they apply suckers to it, after sucking all the knowledge about the Earth from poor Rajesh's head. What a way to go. Though why having all your brainwaves drained would either kill you or turn you into a dessicated corpse is anyone's guess. Suddenly, and with a bound, the rest of the Preachers arrive - Jake and his mates from the parallel world. Yvonne goes in to be cyber-converted in a nasty scene, and Jackie is next, but Jake's mates kill the CyberLeader with the Doctor and immediately one of the Cybermen with Jackie is upgraded to Leader status - I liked this idea that if you kill their leaders, another automatically steps in. The distracted Cybermen allow Jackie to escape, and she heads down the fire escape. Conveniently, Jake and co have their own version of Torchwood and have developed travel disks to help them move between dimensions. Very useful indeed. Back there, the Doctor meets Pete Tyler again. This is turning into happy families! All we're missing is Sarah Jane and K9 to come barrelling in and the party would be complete. Things are running along quite nicely now, and returning to 'our' earth, the Doctor brokers a deal with the Cybermen to attack the Daleks. He wanders into the Sphere room (which was sealed before - wonder how they managed to open it) and talks with the Daleks who all are revealed to have names - Thane, Sek, Jast and Karn (spellings uncertain) - and are a special secret Cult of Skaro, Daleks above and beyond the Emperor and who can think how the enemy thinks ... what? All sounds a little convenient to me. And they have this Genesis Ark thing, which is a Time Lord device, activated by touch. Of course no-one would be daft enough to touch it ... would they? Of course not. Except Mickey, naturally, who falls against it during the ensuing battle between Daleks, Cybermen and troops. Silly boy. So the Cybermen are destroyed by the Daleks, the humans retreat and the Genesis Ark is primed. The Daleks head off for more space - 30 square miles seem to be required - and so the Ark and the black Dalek fly into the sky. Meanwhile, Pete and Jackie meet and the action slows to a crawl as they talk and then hug. Sheesh. The Doctor has an idea now though, and reveals that by looking at everyone through 3D glasses he can see 'void stuff' on everything that has crossed through the void. I though the void contained nothing at all ... so what is void stuff? Anyway ... if the Doctor reopens the void breach then everything covered in void stuff will be dragged in. But that would include himself so he appropriates the clamp things we saw in part 1 to hold on to. But Rose wants to stay with him ... cue some more sentimental stuff as she argues with the Doctor and then with Jackie before Pete takes them all back to Alternate Earth and then Rose comes back on her own - there's no stopping this girl. Meanwhile the black Dalek has opened the Genesis Ark and it's not the complete backlist of Phil Collins' band, nor is it Davros ... it's a TARDIS-like thing full of Daleks which all emerge and start attacking the Cybermen. We're now into endgame ... Rose and the Doctor start sorting out the levers and clamps. The Cybermen are converging on them, but are stopped by Cyber-Yvonne who kills them. Seems her conversion was not successful for some reason and she still retains her human voice and can cry oil! This was most rubbish and perhaps the weakest part of the story. So the breach is opened and the Daleks are all dragged into it. Despite being told that the Cybermen were too, we don't see a single one go into the breach. And the black Dalek does an emergency temporal shift (as you do) and vanishes. So he's still around somewhere then. All danger and excitement now, and as we're expecting Rose to die, it's no real surprise when her lever starts to fall back and she has to grab it and push it home again ... but she's lost her hold and is being dragged into the breach and the void ... when Pete conveniently appears at exactly the right time, and standing in exactly the right spot to catch her and take her safely back to his universe. Just in time too as the breach sucks itself in and is gone. Questions here: how did he know to come back? Where to stand? And when? All a little to convenient really. The next scenes are brilliant. The Doctor and Rose. Tears. Each separated from the other forever. I cried. The acting here is the best we have seen from Piper and Tennant. And then we fade to black. But it's not all over. There's a neat coda where Rose dreams the Doctor and she, Pete, Jackie and Mickey travel to Norway to a deserted beach at a place called Bad Wolf Bay. There the Doctor appears for one final time to Rose and they get to say their goodbyes. Rose tells him she loves him, and he appears to do the same, but vanishes words unspoken. The next shot of the Doctor in the TARDIS, tears streaming down his face is the best of all - unspoken emotion and the fact that he has lost his best friend in all the universe (again). But things are afoot. There is suddenly a bride in full bridal gear in the TARDIS console room. She turns and it's Catherine Tate - a somewhat unfunny comedienne whose only decent catchphrase/character is the 'Am I bovvered?' schoolgirl. What!!!!!!! So overall I really enjoyed Doomsday. It was a fitting ending, and although I wanted Rose to die - and come to think of it, something of a wasted opportunity to do some false deaths for her (like the disintegration by the Anne Droid last year) - this was most suitable. The battles between Daleks and Cybermen seemed somewhat one-sided though - shame the Cybermen didn't have some weapon to use against the Daleks - but were a mixture of spectacle and mundaninity. And the story as a whole hung together mostly, with a few hasty elements thrown in. So what's next? Torchwood the series? Set in the Pete Tyler Universe, starring Billie Piper as Rose Tyler (well she said she was working for them)? Stranger things have been known to happen.

Doctor Who - Army of Ghosts

After a couple of weeks of episodes which were perhaps a little ho hum, Army of Ghosts upped the anti significantly and presented an episode which is perhaps the best to date in the series. I adored the opening pre-title sequence, with Rose narrating and the visuals. The planet with the rocks and flying things was awesome, and then to end with the statement: 'This is the story of how I died' was a very brave move indeed I felt. Of course, this is assuming that Rose means 'died' in the way that perhaps many viewers will take it (more on this later). So the Doctor and Rose return 'home' to see Jackie who snogs the Doctor (great reaction from Tennant to that as well) and then tells them that Grandad Prentis is coming - but he died 10 years ago! Seems there are ghosts appearing all over the world (side step: how can Jackie's TV get all those foreign channels?) for short periods of time, and people feel these are the shades of loved ones. However of course the Doctor is suspicious and so sets out to find out what these things really are. In a lovely moment he 'Ghostbusters' himself up with a TARDIS-themed bit of kit and traces the origin of one of the Ghosts. However, we the viewers know already that they're being controlled from Torchwood, a scientific/military place apparently run by Yvonne Hartmann who has scary teeth and even scarier cleavage. Aside from the ghosts, there's also a large mystery-sphere hanging in another room which seems to not exist. Office romance is blossoming between the cute Adele Oshoodi and Gareth Evans, but when they nip away for a snog, they are captured by Cybermen! Not really what they were expecting, and how on earth did a group of Cybermen set up a secret base in building works in Torchwood Tower in the first place! I'm not impressed with their security arrangements to be honest. These sequences are, however, magnificently directed and the music is awesome. Finally Murray Gold is being held in check. Less is definately more. While the Doctor is messing about trying to track the Ghosts, Jackie and Rose have a chat. Now this might be me, and I may be reading too much into it, but the gist seemed to be that Rose was no longer the Rose that Jackie knew, and that in the future, the person calling herself 'Rose' would be a totally different person, older and not even human any more. Now this could be Russell signalling that 'the story of how I died' is actually of Rose dying as 'Rose' and becoming someone else ... or it could be that she really is going to die ... we shall see next week. Anyway, the Doctor's fiddling alerts Torchwood and they see the TARDIS dematerialise on CCTV footage. The Doctor, having traced the signal, arrives at Torchwood only to be captured by the grinning Yvonne and her clappy happy soldiers. The Doctor drags Jackie from the TARDIS and introduces her as Rose (another instance/clue that Rose isn't Rose any more perhaps?) and they go off on a guided tour of Torchwood Tower in London's Docklands. As a side issue here, where is UNIT? No-one mentions them and yet they were investigating and fighting alien menaces for years before - they even appeared in The Christmas Invasion and yet here there's another organisation apparently doing the same thing that they did. Meanwhile Adele is back seeming a little blank, and she takes another co-worker, Matt, off for snogging. He is maybe expecting some action from Adele, but instead he gets to meet the Cybermen and their cutting machines (seriously ... no-one noticed all this happening in the building works?). So Rose leaves the TARDIS when it has been left in storage and, donning a fetching lab coat, heads off to explore. Of course she finds the Sphere Room where she is promptly captured. However one of the workers there - Samuel - looks familiar. It's Mickey! To be honest, I was actually really pleased to see him, and it raised a smile. We now start to head towards the episode ending. Adele, Matt and Gareth are all Cyber-controlled and start up another Ghost Shift, despite Yvonne ordering it cancelled. The Doctor realises what's happening and tries to find the transmitter controlling them - it's in the building area, and before you can blink, everyone is captured by Cybermen who have cool new guns in their arms. There's also a CyberLeader (with black 'ear' handles) and he orders Ghost Shift to 100%. It seems that all the ghosts are actually Cybermen who are taking over the Earth, coming through the dimensional instability caused by the Sphere's arrival. At the same time, the Sphere activates and starts to gain mass and reality - Rose, Mickey and the technician Rajesh Singh, watch as it starts to open ... but what's in the Sphere? The CyberLeader admits to our horror that the Sphere is nothing to do with the Cybermen, they just followed it ... And then ... And then ... Oh my giddy aunt! The Sphere opens and it's only a bunch of bloomin Daleks that emerge, flying down. Gold ones and a really cool new black one ... and it's 'EXTERMINATE!!!' and crash into the closing credits. Awesome. I was so, so impressed by this episode. Wonderful direction, faultless acting (with the exception perhaps of Adele as she was trying to figure out where Gareth had gone), great lighting, good ideas, brilliant use of music, and the coolest monsters. All in all next week will have to go some to top this. But. But I hope. I so hope. Please Russell ... no deux ex machina - no Rose looking into the heart of the TARDIS again and destroying everyone with a blink - no Doctor pulling some gizmo from his pocket which solves everything - no cop out. For once we seem to have a plot, a real plot. And proper characters. I want to cry next week. I want Rose to go in a blaze of glory. I want Cybermen and Daleks. I want adventure and excitement. Explosions and danger. 6 Days is too long to wait.