Welcome to the homepage for author and publisher David J Howe. I'm the author and co-author of numerous books about the TV Show "Doctor Who", as well as being a freelance writer and Editorial Director of Telos Publishing Ltd.
If you'd like to comment on any of my musings, then just click on the 'comments' word under the post, and then on the 'Post a Comment' line under the post on the next screen.
Neil Marshall's latest is a great monster action movie, with lots of thrills, spills, and of course monsters!
The basic idea is simple: a female air force pilot, Kate Sinclair (Charlotte Kirk), finds herself downed in Afghanistan and takes refuge in a huge underground bunker. Exploring she finds vats containing some sort of humanoids, and when one gets broken, the thing in it revives and chases her out of the bunker again, where she is rescued by friendly troops.
However they won't let things lie, and are soon back with Kate to explore further, only to find that more of these genetically engineered nasties are loose, and set on hunting down and killing anything that they can find, either in the bunker or outside of it.
The film is great fun and the opening is fast and furious as we go from a crash in the desert to the bunker, escape and back to base ... then there's a slow section where we find out more about the soldiers and so on, before it's back to the bunker and more deep underground shenanigans with the monsters.
The pace and action overcomes any concerns over casting or how many of these soldiers are just dreadful shots and you just get swept along with it. As a Saturday night with beer and mates movie, it's perfect.
Longlegs is something of a strange film. It follows a path and turns out to be not quite what you expected come the end.
Nominally it's about a female police detective, Lee Harper, who is hunting a serial killer who kills following a somewhat eccentric pattern of dates related to the birthday of his victims. But the killings all seem to be carried out by the father of the victim, who kills his daughter, but anyone else around also.
So there's a pattern but no obvious motives until an occult element is thrown into the mix involving a life-sized doll which each victim is sent, in the head of which is a strange silver orb which seems to contain something and yet nothing.
As the plot unfolds, Harper finds that she is at the centre of events, and that the mysterious Longlegs, so called as by the name he signs coded messages left at each killing, has plans for her personally.
I enjoyed the film, though it is somewhat hard to work out what is happening. Not as hard as some critics made out though, and ultimately all becomes clear. The ideas are rooted in Satanic beliefs and in evil, as well as a touch of voodoo. There's a healthy dose of Silence of the Lambs in here also, and while Nicholas Cage, who plays the deranged (or is he) Longlegs is not a patch on Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal Lekter, there is much to appreciate and enjoy in his performance.
The explanations when they come are impactful for Harper and her family, and leave a lot of thoughts in the mind as to what happened next. I don't think it needs a sequel though as this is complete in and of itself.
It's telling that the BluRay I have has a very non-descript cover on it (same as the poster shown here). Obviously the marketing team had no idea what to make of this either.
I have often said that I have not seen a film with Nick Cage in that I haven't enjoyed, and this does not break that run. Enjoyable and thought provoking, which is what every film should be.
Abigail is a film which, when people came to review it, they were skirting around and tiptoeing as they didn't want to spoil the surprise of the film. To be honest it is pretty good, and so as to try and review without mentioning it would be really hard ... if you have not yet seen this film and want to see it ... then stop reading now.
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Have you stopped?
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If you carry on then you will learn what the film is all about ... Your choice.
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Right then.
Okay, so we start like an everyday thriller. There's a rich gang boss type chap, and a group of thug-types (although they are a pretty hopeless bunch) are sent by a third party mystery person to kidnap his 12 year old ballerina daughter to hold her for ransom. So far so good.
They end up in some old mansion somewhere, with the girl hooded and in chains in a bedroom, while the rest of the gang lounge about and wait for the ransom to be paid. The house is one they were told to go to ... and only one of them is to ever interact with the girl, no names to be used ... normal ransom stuff.
But then we discover that this little girl isn't such a little girl after all. She's instead an old vampire with incredible strength and ingenuity. Her father is also a vampire, and this is a little game they play to stop them getting too bored.
The house locks down on them (shades of The House on Haunted Hill, or 13 Ghosts) and they're left to try and survive with a hungry vampire kid on their trail.
The film is great fun. It takes 30 minutes or so before the realisations start to kick in, but once it gets rolling it's very enjoyable. The deaths are great and there is A LOT of blood ... vampires explode with a very wet and messy geyser of blood (reminiscent of the vampires in Planet Terror) and some of the gang get vampirised and are then controlled by the girl ... imaginative and fun stuff!
With so many vampire films out there, it's great to come across one which is different and which just rolls with the premise and takes it to its natural (or unnatural) conclusion. This is a film that I will certainly watch again.
If Korean horror is your thing, then you might get a kick out of this new release from Second Sight ... It's being promoted as the scariest film ever ... but I don't think it's that!
The basic idea has been done many times before. A group of teens - in this case they run some sort of a Haunted Podcast show - decide to enter and explore Gonjiam, an old creepy asylum which is said to be haunted. They want to capture the ghosts and scares on video, mainly to increase their audience, as there's some sort of conceit where the more viewers they have, the more money they make.
So one chap stays in a tent in the forest outside, while the others head into the asylum to explore.
The film takes an age to get there ... we see the teens meeting up, drinking, eating, packing, travelling ... for goodness sake just get to the action! And so they enter the asylum and spend ages creeping around, scaring themselves, finding all sorts of strange artefacts like old photographs, creepy dolls, torture boxes, hospital areas and the like ... It also appears that the chap running the Podcast is faking much of what happens ...
But then, of course, things start happening which cannot be faked. Ghosts are seen, water drips, the rooms' doors open and close by themselves, and before you know it, the two girls are racing away in terror ... and then one of them gets possessed by something ...
There are a couple of nice jump scares, but there's really nothing here that I've not seen before. The setting is familiar from films like Session 9 or Silent Hill, with elements from Return to House on Haunted Hill or the remake of Thirteen Ghosts cropping up ... It's also like any film you've seen where the protagonists are trapped and being stalked in a creepy old house/asylum/hospital/underground bunker. There's the usual Korean tropes of girls with long black hair, strange noises and the like ... but it's not really scary. Entertaining, yes, if you like this sort of film, as I said, but this is the issue with promoting your film as 'Genuine Scares' and 'the perfect horror movie' ... there's too much out there which genuinely meets that sort of description, and the film you're promoting needs to deliver on every element to meet that.
There's also a 'found footage' element to the narrative in that the visuals come from the cameras and such like that the team have with them ... but it's not really 'found' in that we're seeing this in 'real time' ie as shown to the unseen watchers of the Podcast.
Overall it's not bad. It's overlong, takes too long to get to the asylum, and sadly too predictable to be really scary.
Being something of a horror buff, I'm always interested when something new appears ... and so I was fascinated when I saw online that the archive television preservation organisation Kaleidoscope were releasing an episode of a TV horror series previously unknown to me ... Late Night Horror. This was a 6 episode series, made in colour (very early for that) for the BBC in 1968, and then repeated once in 1970. All the series was lost (due to the BBC's policy of wiping tapes and destroying material which was felt to have no further commercial value) but a single episode was discovered in a private collection back in the 1980s, but then vanished into another collection, only to emerge again in 2016, where Kaleidoscope bought it, and restored it.
Now they have released it, along with a short book looking at the history of the show, and it's a fascinating glimpse of this series.
Continuing the theme of the restoration, what was recovered was a black and white film print, but technology and some brilliant minds have managed to use colour information recorded on the frames of the print to regenerate and recreate the colour ... add many, many hours of manual work retouching and repairing faults on the print, and you have something which could be transmitted again today - it's actually quite incredible!
The episode which has been recovered is called 'The Corpse Can't Play', written by John Burke, and is a neat little vignette set at a kids' party where the adults prepare sandwiches and cake while the kids run riot around the house, shouting and screaming and pushing and shoving. A latecomer is 'Simon' who brings the best present, but who is then tormented by the birthday boy ... and the ultimate results are quite horrific.
I enjoyed seeing it a lot, and it actually brought back vague memories of the tale. I would have been 7 years old in 1968 so I doubt I saw it then, and nor in 1970 ... but perhaps I am remembering the story from a print appearance - several of those adapted saw light in The Pan Book of Horror Stories and the original story, 'Party Games', was in The Sixth Pan book of Horror Stories (1965) ... so maybe that's where I know it from ... not sure.
This includes a DVD of the production (plus a feature on the restoration and a rather nice trailer for the series featuring Valentine Dyall as 'the Man in Black') and the book.
While the book is a welcome addition, they really need to pay more attention to the layout which is very sloppy and brings the whole thing down a notch in my opinion. I think, personally, I would have preferred a presentation in a DVD case, with the DVD there, and the book sized to fit inside the case too ... But that's me being mega-picky.
As a piece of historic television, this presentation is to be applauded, and I hope that other horror series could be found and restored to this quality ... Well worth a look if you're interested in television horror!
Here's the titles for the show ... in black and white and from a BBC Radiophonic Workshop demo reel. The music is by Dick Mills and appeared on the BBC LP Out of this World.
What to say about this new Arrow release of a 1990 film co-written and directed by Lucio Fulci, he of Zombi 2 and The Beyond fame To be totally honest, I've never 'got' why people admire him so much. The best of his films seem just okay, and the worst ... well ...
Sadly Demonia falls into the latter category. Apparently it was denied any release anywhere until picked up direct for DVD, and watching it you can see why. It opens with a scene of some nuns being inexplicably crucified in an underground vault somewhere - scenes which reoccur later in the film - and this is the most exciting thing about it! Then we cut to the present day, where archaeologists are exploring the area, and you think, maybe they'll find the crypt and unleash zombie nuns who will slaughter everyone ... nope. Instead one of the archaeologists, a girl named Liza (Meg Register), who has a penchant for looking upset and cross, and staring out into thin air a lot, and who previously fainted at a seance and saw a creepy nun, goes exploring and finds the crypt. She seems horrified by her discovery and starts smashing a wall down to get to where the nuns were crucified ... She's an archaeologist, so coffins and bones should excite/intrigue her, not horrify her ... and where's the 'preserving the scene' instinct ... completely missing!
Thereafter random people start to die by harpoon gun, in a meat freezer, torn in two in a trap in the woods, and, most hilariously, clawed to death and eaten by pet cats! Seems the ghostly demon nuns are out and about and after some sort of revenge! Liza has been possessed or something, and so the archaeologists storm the crypt and set the remains of the crucified nuns on fire, allowing Liza's dead body to appear on the ground ... and the film ends.
Sadly it's slow and ponderous, and the narrative follows Liza as she mopes about, staring into space (the photo here is typical of her expression through most of the film). It's a relief when the killings start, but you do wonder how ghostly nuns could arrange all these deaths. In particular the one where the chap is ripped apart in the forest: nicely set up, and the gore is not too badly done ... but it's more laughable than scary. You just don't really care about anyone in the film! It's been described as a 'nunsploitation' film which seems about right. There's an info-dump in the middle where we learn that these nuns had been having sex parties with local boys, killing them as they reached orgasm an drinking their blood!
The Arrow print is, as usual, good, and shows off the cinematography nicely. The underground crypt is a great set, and the locations are scenic. It's a shame that the script is just not up to scratch.
For fans of Fulci though, and admirers of what is described as perhaps his last good film (I dread to think what the subsequent ones are like), this is a smashing restoration and package!
High Definition Blu-ray (1080p) presentation
Deluxe crucifix-style packaging featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Graham Humphreys
Illustrated collector’s booklet featuring new writing on the film by author and critic Kat Ellinger
DISC 1: DEMONIA
4K restoration from the original 35mm camera negative
Restored original lossless mono English and Italian soundtracks
Optional English subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing for the English soundtrack
English subtitles for the Italian soundtrack
Audio commentary by Stephen Thrower, author of Beyond Terror: The Films of Lucio Fulci
Holy Demons, a video interview with uncredited co-writer/assistant director Antonio Tentori
Of Skulls and Bones, a video interview with camera operator Sandro Grossi
Fulci Lives!!!, camcorder footage of a visit to the Demonia set, including an interview with Lucio Fulci
Original trailer
DISC 2: FULCI TALKS
Fulci Talks, a feature-length
2021 documentary by filmmaker Antonietta De Lillo, based on an in-depth,
career spanning video interview with Lucio Fulci from 1993, conducted
by De Lillo and critic Marcello Garofalo
I'm absolutely delighted that the lovely Mr Paul Finch has taken one of my stories for his latest Terror Tales collection, Terror Tales of the Home Counties.
Moreso as that's where I was born and grew up: Tolworth in Surrey, near to Surbiton and Kingston-Upon-Thames. It was nice to revisit some childhood memories for the story, and to also bring in some real places, locales and people ...
I decided to set the tale down by the Hogsmill River, which runs through Tolworth and Berrylands and on into Kingston where it joins the Thames. Just beside the A3 road - which is the main thoroughfare from London down to the South Coast, and which is claimed to be the UK's busiest stretch of non-motorway road - there is a patch of greenbelt alongside the river called the Elmbridge Open Space. The river also runs under the A3, and just beside there, as in my story, there is a small block of flats (https://www.instantstreetview.com/@51.388114,-0.270892,329.16h,8.1p,1z). The tunnel under the road is there too, as are the hideouts and fallen trees where my brother, Alan, and I used to go as kids. It was a different world back then, when there were not predatory pedophiles hanging around on every street corner to snatch you away, and when your pocket money could buy you a bag of chews and sweets to last a week - or at least it seemed that way. The view of the river from the A3 can be seen here: https://www.instantstreetview.com/@51.388533,-0.270032,343.93h,-7.03p,1z.
To the mix of my story I also added a real life character, sadly now deceased, called Moses. And it is from him that the story gets its name. For I have realised Moses - a friendly chap, outrageously dressed, who was often to be seen in and around Kingston and New Malden, just chatting away to people - as a sort of unknown and unappreciated superhero!
And if you'd like to see the real Moses in action, here's a couple of videos:
ADDENDUM
As it's the anniversary of Moses' passing ... here's the text of the story for free ... hope you enjoy ...
MOSES
David J Howe
The moonlight barely
made it through the tree branches overhead, but Toby was glad of the darkness.
He listened intently, but there was no sound, just the gentle rustling of the
trees in the wind. Maybe soon he’d be able to move away from here ...
For the hundredth time
he wondered why he had gone out that night at all. It was all Simon’s fault. If
his school friend hadn’t double-dared him to spend the night in their hideaway
by the river he wouldn’t be there ... and now look at where this stupid adventure
had got them.
Toby drew in as much
breath as his eleven-year-old lungs could manage. He had to stay calm or the thing might come for him. Toby settled
his back against the tree trunk and let the breath out in a silent huff. He
focussed on holding the panic in, all the time wondering how he would escape
this awful nightmare.
*
It was about five
o’clock in the afternoon the previous day, when Simon and Toby had made their
way down to the Hogsmill River. They lived in a small block of flats alongside
the A3 road – one of the main routes into London from the Home Counties. About
a mile away they could see the stark outline of Tolworth Tower. Office blocks
for the most part, though with a large Marks and Spencer’s shop underneath.
The Hogsmill was a
small stream, which flowed under the A3, heading for Kingston, where it joined
the Thames. Where it came from no one seemed to know – explorations upstream
tended to end where the river diverged from thefootpath
– certainly there was a large hill here, but where the river emerged was
something of a mystery.
But down by the flats
where Simon and Toby lived, it was easily accessible, and there was also a
strip of green land all the way alongside it. Various exploratory trips had
revealed the presence of old hiding places and camp sites, sometimes with the
remains of fires still in them.
The boys had never
seen anyone else use them, but this didn’t mean there was no-one about. The
sites were often well hidden right on the bank on the edge of the river within
enclaves of fallen trees and branches, and could be entered by crawling through
hidden tunnels which were often themselves blocked with wood or foliage. It was
a paradise for Toby and Simon. They loved the idea of their own secret hiding
places, and often headed down there with sandwiches and bottles of drink.
On this particular
evening, Toby had managed to smuggle a blanket out of the flat, and some
crisps, and a bag containing a couple of Mars bars and an apple. Simon was to
bring his own supplies, which included a battery powered radio. It was
summertime, so the weather was warm, and there seemed to be no issue with what
they planned. Just some harmless excitement for the summer holidays. They’d
each told their parents that they were going to the other’s home for the night,
so their families would not be worried.
They met at the gates
into the greenbelt beside the river, and made their way to the hiding place.
Neither wanted the
whole of the area to go up in flames and for it to be their fault.
So this was brought as
an emergency measure only.
They settled down in
the den, and busied themselves throwing pebbles into the river. One side of
their lair opened to the side of the river, so it was perfect for watching the
water and idling away the day. The river had fish too, which could be seen
flitting in between the algae and plants, but despite various attempts with
rods made from old sticks, and line from bits of string with bent paperclips on
the end, and the occasional bait of worms or other pieces of food, they had
never managed to catch anything.
The evening drifted by
and the boys were calm and relaxed.
All was fine until
darkness fell.
*
Toby looked out of the
den again. It was pitch dark outside, and there was no movement at all. Maybe
he should try and make a break for it.
Simon had run. He had
taken his chance and raced for the exit to the greenbelt area. Toby had heard
him go and the last he had seen had been his heels flashing in the faint light.
He hoped he had got out.
Toby stirred and moved
slowly, trying hard not to make any noise. When he got to the entrance to the
den, he paused.
The night was silent
and still.
He pushed aside the
brush that partially covered the entrance and stepped out.
His foot cracked a
twig.
Just a gentle snap.
Toby froze. Foot
poised.
From somewhere in the
darkness he heard something moving, something careful and predatory getting
closer once more.
He pulled his leg back
and retreated to the den again, pulling the brushwood over the entrance behind
him with a rustle.
He wasn’t sure if
whatever it was in the dark would hear that. But it was close now and making a
gentle crunching sound as it moved around.
The smell was awful. A
rotting, noxious mixture of everything that was bad. Toby had once found a
rabbit killed by the side of the road, and the smell from the decayed corpse as
he and Simon investigated it with sticks had been similar. But even that wasn’t
as bad as this miasma, which accompanied the thing.
The creature was
snuffling around outside now, stirring the dry leaves and grit as it went.
There was a scraping sound. Toby saw what seemed to be a giant spider leg, thin
and segmented, with lots of large hairs or thorns growing from it.
This went on for a few
minutes. Something big and heavy moving about outside, shifting things noisily.
Toby clamped his hands over his mouth and nose to still his whimpering and his
breathing and to keep the stench from his nostrils. The worst thing he could do
now was make a sound.
Toby could hear his
own heart beating. Thumping in his ears. He was sure that whatever was outside
could hear it too.
He forced himself to
calm down. He shut his eyes tight and took in a deep breath and let it out as
slowly as he could. This helped and after a few more breaths, he opened his
eyes. The darkness was still there, but there was silence outside now.
He looked around.
Nothing to see. The box of matches and paper was still on the floor. Toby
picked up the matches and shook the box. There was a soft rattle as the matches
moved. His eyes shifted to the river, still flowing gently past. The sound was
relaxing somehow. Maybe he could wade along the river and get out where there
was more light and open ground, perhaps by the main road?
He leaned out of the
hide and looked upstream. It was no more than a couple of hundred yards to
where the water passed under the road. He could do it.
He crouched still,
listening.
There was nothing to
hear. No night-birdsong, or insect noise. There was usually some sound but
tonight there was nothing. He suspected that all the usual night creatures had
the right idea and had stayed at home … nothing wanted to be outside at the
same time as whatever the thing was that he had heard.
Toby made up his mind
and returned to the riverbank. He took off his shoes and socks and rolled up
his trousers. There was no sense in getting everything saturated. He dipped his
toe into the water and the sharp cold bit him. He scrunched up his face and put
his whole foot in the water. It was chilly, but not unbearably so.
He was pleased that
the water was at least clean. The river was fairly well maintained by various
associations. They would come every year and pull out all the rubbish that
accumulated there, old bicycles, bottles, traffic cones, supermarket trolleys
and the like, and generally keep it neat, tidy and healthy for the fish and the
ducks.
He slid his other foot
in and smiled. It wasn’t so bad.
Something moved
against his foot and he jerked. It was just a fish or something. Having a
little nibble on his toes. Nothing to be worried about, he told himself.
He picked up the
matches and paper and his shoes and socks, and gently pushed himself away from
the bank. The river bed was uneven and slimy, and every time he moved his feet
they slipped a little. With the current pushing against his legs, it was tricky
to stay upright. Every time he looked down at his feet, the patterns on the
black water running past gave him a sort of dizzy feeling and he had to either
close his eyes or look back up to stop himself falling over.
He fixed his eyes on
the lights of the road, and started wading slowly in that direction. With each
step he put his foot down carefully, waggling it a little to ensure he had a
firm perch before moving the other one. He didn’t think there was any glass on
the bed, but there were rocks and stones and other unidentifiable objects, and
the last thing he wanted was to trip and fall. The water gurgled and bubbled as
it ran past him, and the sound of his legs cutting the surface was hushed and
quiet. He hoped that nothing could see him, smell him or hear him.
He looked across at
the bank. It was pitch dark there. There was no moon tonight and no stars –
clouds had come in – and so apart from the lights ahead on the main road, there
was no source of illumination.
He pushed on through
the water, one foot after the other, slowly and steadily.
As he moved he could
hear the gentle drone of cars on the A3 increase. There weren’t too many at
this time of night, but the road was so busy that there were always cars
passing.
At this moment though,
Toby was pleased to see any sign of normal life.
There was a crack
and a rushing sound on the bank, as though something large had just moved past
him. Toby stopped and stood still in the water.
Silence.
He turned his head and
in the light from the road he saw something moving among the bushes and reeds
that lined the bank. He couldn’t make out exactly what it was but it was big
and quiet, and the light seemed to fall off it.
He stepped forward
again, toes searching for a hold underwater. The water sloshed around him, and
he felt rather than saw the thing on the bank pause and listen.
He stopped moving
again.
The current run of
traffic on the road passed, and there was silence as no cars approached. In
that stillness, Toby thought he heard something breathing. Then more cars
cruised past and the sound of their engines overpowered the slow, heavy
exhalations.
He moved forward
again, every step bringing him closer to the traffic bridge.
Toby realised that his
feet were growing numb. He could barely feel his toes as they sought out the
best footing, and the chill was extending up his legs. He shivered, gripping
his belongings against his chest as though they would help to keep the heat in
his small body.
He started to count in
his head as he stepped. One, two, three … Every step brought him closer and
closer to the bridge. And every step was a success.
Eventually Toby was
standing by the black mouth of the tunnel under the road. Up above he could
hear the sound of the occasional car passing. In between the sounds of the
cars, there was silence.
Toby swallowed and
looked around. There was nothing to be seen in the inky gloom. The streetlights
far overhead shone a yellow glow over the grass and river, but the shadow of
the bridge was dark.
Toby took a further
step under the bridge, the water washing up his legs. His foot hit something on
the concrete base of the riverbed under the bridge, and it gave. Something
moved beside him … and shifted above him, and Toby instinctively jumped back as
a wooden plank of some sort clattered from the bridge roof and splashed into
the river. He had obviously dislodged something and the plank had fallen from
above
There was a movement
over on the field, and in the yellow glow Toby saw the thing that had been
hunting him. It was hard to make out any shape, except a large, dark,
multi-legged shadow that moved swiftly across the grass, heading for the
bridge.
Toby let out a squeal
of terror and scrambled into the tunnel.
His feet stumbled on
bricks and other rubbish there, and the concrete was slippery too. He managed
to get further under when he heard the splashing of something coming up behind
him. He could dimly see the slightly lighter arch at the other side of the
bridge, and he headed for it as fast as he could. His feet slipped with every
step on the mossy and treacherous concrete; his few possessions were clamped to
his chest.
Suddenly, something
loomed out ahead of him, something man-sized.
There was a splashing
sound, and as Toby continued his way to the other end of the tunnel, he heard
someone clearly say, ‘No-one’s gonna take children from Kingston town. No. Not
happening.’
Then there was a
swoosh of air and a muffled crunch.
There was more splashing, and a growling, keening sound echoed around the
tunnel.
Toby paused and looked
back. Silhouetted in the tunnel entrance, a black shadow on a grey background,
was the figure of a man.
He was large and
stocky, and had a plank of wood in his hands. Toby could see in the gloom that
it seemed to have nails protruding from the end. The figure braced itself and
swung the wood as a shape that Toby could not make sense of leaped out of the
darkness. The wood connected with the monster with a solid thump and a sound
like breaking twigs. There was a hiss and the creature rapidly backed away
towards the far entrance to the tunnel. It had more legs than Toby wanted to
count, and one of them was dragging behind it.
The creature lunged
back and the man swung the plank again, missing the monster narrowly, his
weapon swishing through the air.
Toby pressed himself
to the side of the tunnel. There was a slight indent here, and a flat area on
which to stand. No water went over this, so Toby’s footing was firmer.
He realised that he
was still holding the newspaper in his hand. He hooked his shoes over his arm
and pulled the matches from his pocket. The first match scraped on the side of
the box but wouldn’t light. But the second caught with a fizzing flare, and
Toby lit the top of the wadded roll of newspaper.
There was more
splashing and hissing from where the man and the creature were still holding
each other off. With a rush, something came through the blackness at Toby and
he held the burning paper up in front of him.
He caught sight of a
hideous mouth with fangs, multiple eyes and legs, and an alien intelligence,
before the stranger took advantage of the distraction and caught the creature
full on with the nails and plank of wood.
In the flickering
light from his makeshift torch, Toby saw the thing convulse and shake. The man
took another smack at it with the wood, and it fell back, hissing and mewling
like some baby. Toby took a shuddering breath as it backed away down the
tunnel, the water splashing around its legs.
With a final hiss, the
thing vanished beyond the entrance, and over the man’s breathing, Toby could
hear splashing and the cracking and breaking of the trees along the riverbank
as it departed. The man walked to the end of the tunnel and checked outside. He
paused, listening, and then, after a moment, returned to where Toby was
crouching at the side.
‘You okay?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ Toby said. ‘I
think so.’
‘Come on then. We
can’t stay here. Gonna get you out of here.’
Toby allowed the man
to help him up. He held out his hand and it was almost engulfed in a large paw.
The two moved to the
other end of the tunnel on the far side of the main road above.
There was a low
barrier there of wooden railway sleepers with a section of wire mesh above it.
This seemed to be there to stop rubbish from flowing down river under the
bridge, and there was indeed a traffic cone wedged in the wire along with some
large pieces of wood and other flotsam.
The man moved a
section of the wire, creating a clear path through and he and Toby emerged on
the other side of the bridge.
‘It can’t get over the
top,’ said the man, nodding upwards. ‘And if it tries to come under … well I’m
waiting.’
He helped Toby cross
the water, which was fairly still here due to the barrier created by the mesh,
and the two of them stumbled up the bank.
Once they were
standing safely on dry ground, Toby got his first good look at the man who had
saved him. He was stocky, maybe just under six feet tall, but what intrigued
Toby most was that his skin was black as coal. The man smiled down at Toby, his
teeth gleaming yellow in the light from the road above them.
‘You OK?’
Toby nodded, and as
his eyes took in what the man was wearing, he realised that he had seen him
before. Even in the yellowed light from the lamps, Toby could see that the chap
was wearing a crazy mixture of clothes, most of them wildly patterned and
coloured pink, red and white. Slightly farther up the bank, Toby saw a
supermarket trolley festooned with items ranging from a pink skateboard to a
child’s brightly coloured pull-along luggage.
The man grinned again.
‘You got nice skin,’ he commented. ‘Gotta keep it that way.’
‘I know you,’ Toby
said. ‘I see you in Kingston on the way to school sometimes.’
The man nodded.
‘Kingston, yes. I’m Moses.’
Toby nodded. Moses was
something of a local legend. He was most often to be found in the centre of
Kingston, sitting on one of the benches, or standing on a street corner,
dressed in the maddest and craziest outfits. Toby remembered one that was all
red and white stripes.Moses was
currently wearing a clown wig that was similarly patterned. Another time he had
been dressed all in black, with a highwayman hat on … but regardless of what he
wore, Moses always had time for everyone. He wasn’t a beggar, he never asked
for money, but he smiled and talked and told everyone how wonderful everything
was … he was a legend. You couldn’t see Moses without a smile coming to your
face.
Toby looked around as
Moses smiled at him. He hoped that the thing wasn’t going to come back.
‘Should we get away
from here?’ he asked.
Moses smiled. ‘You can
get away,’ he said. ‘You could.’
Then Moses seemed to
stop for a moment. Toby saw his face crease as though he was trying to think of
something important. His eyes darted around and narrowed, but then he relaxed.
His lips parted in a wide grin.
‘Yes,’ the man said.
‘Let’s move away.’
They made their way up
to where the trolley was standing. Moses reached into it and pulled out a
bright red hat. He swept his hand over his curly hair and crammed the hat down.
Toby smiled. He looked
so ridiculous that you had to smile.
Moses glanced at Toby.
‘You smilin’,’ he said, and his own grin returned. ‘That’s good. Keep smilin’.’
Toby looked back at
the river tunnel under the A3. ‘What was that … that thing?’
Moses’ smile dropped.
‘That’s the bad thing,’ he said, suddenly serious. ‘That’s why I’m here,
keepin’ a look out, and a watch. It’s why I’m an inventor and not a builder,
why I know about the animals and the flowers and rhododendrons and people …’
His eyes clouded
slightly once more, and Toby realised that Moses was affected by the battles
with this dark creature. He was struggling to stay focussed.
‘Come on, Moses,’ said
Toby. ‘Let’s get you back to Kingston.’
Moses grinned and took
hold of his trolley. ‘It won’t be back,’ he said. ‘Tonight, anyway.’
He looked at Toby,
again suddenly serious. ‘You shouldn’t be out. Not at night. There are … things
… which you don’t want to meet or see.’
Toby thought of his
friend Simon. He hoped he had got back home safely.
‘Come on,’ he said.
The two made their way
back up to the main road. There were hardly any cars, and they walked together
along the pavement towards one of the footbridges over the road. The bridge
happened to be right by the flats where Toby lived.
Once they had crossed
the footbridge, Moses took Toby’s hands again.
‘You stay safe little
friend.’
Toby nodded.
Moses moved off,
walking back along the road towards Tolworth where he could jump on a bus
towards Kingston and home. Most bus drivers knew him and allowed him free
rides. Moses, it seemed, was allowed to go wherever he wanted. As he walked, he
talked. Even on his own. He was Moses.
Toby nodded to
himself. That was only right, he thought. After all, if a town or a city has a
protector, whether it’s someone from the comics like Batman or Spider Man, then
they ought to have the freedom of the
place for all the good work they did.
But sometimes, the
person doing all the good work was unknown. Sometimes he was an apparent
itinerant called Moses, who never had a bad word about anyone, but who
lightened the day for everyone who met him. Someone who just made you feel
good.
So ... we've got this script from the chap who wrote Star Trek: The Next Generation, Maurice Hurley, but on the available evidence, I wouldn't be shouting about it. It seems that Hurley died in 2015, so this script must have been knocking about for a bit. One can only wonder what happened to make William Shatner (yes, he of Captain Kirk fame) pick it up and say, 'Let's make this film!' but that seems to be about what happened.
It stars Shatner in a small-ish role as the father of our main protagonist, John, and he seems to be so permanently gritted teeth angry that there's nowhere for him to go when he needs to get really angry. He also has the best line in the film: 'Go back and find it (the relic) ... or I'll blow your brains all over that horse!'
The plot ... well ... the film has so many issues that I guess that plot is the least of them. There's a cave somewhere in America (I assume) and in this cave there's an ancient shrine (built from modern-ish bricks and mortar) and in the shrine is a relic - which looks like a carved statue (a relic is usually a piece of a saintly or important person rather than a stone statue), and protecting the relic are a bunch of demonic people with skull faces and large spears and blades, led by some alien demon creature thing with glowing red eyes which makes a sound like the Predator ...
The film is so uncertain that it reveals all its monsters in the opening minutes as the credits roll ... and then the same footage is repeated over and over as the film rolls ...
Anyway, into this cave (which seems to have many ways to approach it depending on how much time the director wants to spend in people getting there) comes archaeologist John, looking for the relic. Well one of his partners is killed by the demons (after falling down a very slight incline and breaking his ankle - it's just not believable) and John just escapes, but then driving back home to his wife (Jeri Ryan) he has a heart attack at the wheel and crashes the car into a tree (at about 1 mile an hour - it's the least convincing car accident I've ever seen).
He's rushed to hospital and Ryan joins him there where the doctors struggle to save his life while the operating theatre fills with demons watching and the like ... He's saved, but then they go to get their kids from college and they're there kissing boys and trading drugs - you know, like you do at college - and they all leave as John has decided they're all going back to the cave to get the relic as John's dad (Shatner) has threatened to kill John if he doesn't - nice guy. But then the demons show up and start slaughtering people at the college who John interacted with ...
But they didn't come for his wife ... or the doctors ... or his dad ... strange.
Anyway, they all head off back to the cave, and this time they need a boat to get there and it takes ages and ages ... they arrive only to be attacked by the demons again who kill everyone except John. Except they don't, and they let John leave with the relic which he destroys, and then Shat says they need to go back to the cave to rescue the family who are still there, so they do this, but are impeded by a group of people who were burying the guy who died at the start so the demons come and kill all those people ... the family is rescued from the cave but Shat blows it and himself up trapping all the demons underground ... or has he ... or is John still on the operating table ...
It's an absolute, unqualified mess of a film which makes no sense, has terrible performances from just about everyone (the only character I believed was the daughter (Ciara Hanna) who must have been wondering how she got involved in this total car crash of a film.) and really has no redeeming features at all.
In the end I was watching it more for the laughs as it got more and more ridiculous and things happened just because ... but it's not a film I want to watch again, and is so poor that everyone involved really ought to hang their heads in shame,
And then they come to release it and so are desperate, hence the fairly decent promo images and plot write up ...
It's a waste of time for everyone - the people who made it, who star in it and who watch it. Avoid like the plague!
I caught Upgrade recently on Netflix (I think) and came away quite impressed. It's a well done film which covers some old ground, but managed to be just about original enough to get away with it.
The film follows Grey Trace (Logan Marshall-Green), and as the film opens, he's travelling in a self-drive car with his wife Asha (Melanie Vallejo). The car develops a fault and crashes, but then a group of men descend on them, kill Asha and injure Trace so he's paralysed from the neck down.
We then follow Trace as he tries to rebuild his life ... His client, Eron, has developed a computer chip called STEM which will give Trace back his movement, and so he has this implanted, but it soon becomes apparent that STEM has a life of it's own, and it speaks to Trace in his mind, encouraging him to take revenge on the men who did this to him.
The film then plays out a fairly standard 'revenge' plot, but it's the conclusions where it shines, with twists and turns you don't expect, and an ending which is as bleak as they come ... but you'll have to watch it to find out!
The use of near-future tech is great, and Marshall-Green does a tremendous job of acting as immoble, and also when his body is controlled by STEM and moving without his own control ...
It reminded me somewhat of the basics of Robocop but it goes off in its own directions, which is no bad thing!
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